WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008 - OS2

This is a discussion on WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008 - OS2 ; "20th Century Fox Fanfare" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet Kook Awards. Envelopes, please! *drumroll* BOBO AWARD The winners are...BRANDON AND AMBER HERBERT... Brandon and Amber Herbert 17 votes YES 02 votes ...

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Thread: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

  1. WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008


    "20th Century Fox Fanfare"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c


    The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
    Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!

    *drumroll*

    BOBO AWARD

    The winners are...BRANDON AND AMBER HERBERT...

    Brandon and Amber Herbert

    17 votes YES
    02 votes NO

    Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Herbert. It was only a matter of time before
    kookery from Craigslist earned an award here on AUK, and you two pulled it
    off, even if you didn't succeed in covering up the original crime. BTW, be
    prepared to say hi to "A Living Christ" while you are serving your time.
    He might come visiting!

    AND...RAUNI!

    Jeanette "Rauni" Runyon

    19 votes YES
    01 votes NO

    Congratulations, Rauni. Your propensity for kookery has long been
    suspected, but it's astonishing that you confirmed it in such a big way.

    KOOK OF THE MONTH

    The winner is...LADY VETERAN!

    16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    08 votes Greg "Greegor" Hanson
    00 votes Neither of the above

    Congratulations, Lady Veteran! In a battle of the former also-rans for
    this award, you pulled off a big win against a fellow who displays his
    kookery on AUK nearly every day, while you only rarely posted yours to AUK.

    Stay right here. The next two awards are yours, as well.

    CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

    The winner is...LADY VETERAN!

    16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    07 votes Anthony X
    00 votes Neither of the above

    Congratulations a second time, LV! Your cluelessness about appropriate
    behavior on USENET defeated someone who went on a crusade to get a poster's
    Google Groups account nuked when the poster doesn't even post out of Google
    Groups. It's difficult to top that, but you did!

    COWARD OF THE MONTH

    The winner is...LADY VETERAN!

    15 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    09 votes David Tholen
    01 votes Neither of the above

    Congratulations a final time, LV! Your propensity for real-lifing your
    opponents has earned you a sweep of the top three monthly core awards,
    which may be unprecidented and means that you have gone from a non-winner
    to hitting the big time in one month. Also, it means that you will be on
    the Kooks of the Year ballot next January four times. Do you have a
    website? You could be on it a fifth time, too.

    JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD

    The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!

    12 votes David Tholen
    08 votes Anthony X
    02 votes Neither of the above

    Congratulations, Dr. Tholen! For as award-winning a net-personality as you
    are (by the time this ceremony is finished, you'll have 18 awards from AUK,
    as well as several from AFA-B; furthermore, last month marked the 10th
    anniversary of your winning Kook of the Month), it is surprising that you
    have never won the entry-level PAP award. Since I am a firm believer that
    all kooks should have at least one opportunity to win all the awards for
    which they are eligible, I am pleased that you earned this honor. However,
    you are now so overqualified for this award that I declare you ineligible
    to run for it any more. Enjoy the company of Chuckles and St00pid!

    TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD

    The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!

    12 votes Douglas Grant
    08 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    05 votes David Tholen
    00 votes None of the above

    Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of melting down, extending back
    to your wails of protestation over the results of the
    rec.gambling.blackjack.moderated election a decade ago, has finally been
    recognized.

    VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

    The winner is...

    "Morgellons Is A Man-Made Silicon Based Life Form" by Alexa Cameron

    23 votes YES
    00 votes NO

    Congratulations, Alexa! After a two-year hiatus, you have won your fifth
    VVFWS Award with a weird science idea of striking originality. If only
    your fertile imagination could synthesize ideas that would actually survive
    controlled experiments and peer review, the world really would be a better
    place!

    DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM

    The winner is...

    "Revisionist claims about Galileo" by John Wentzky

    21 votes YES
    01 votes NO

    Congratulations, John-boy! You started off making a weird science claim,
    but it was really just a demonstration of cluelessness about history above
    and beyond the usual ignorance by a net-kook. No matter. Kooky ideas
    deserve proper recognition.

    GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

    The winner is...ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!

    13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter
    08 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    04 votes John Wentzky
    00 votes None of the above

    Congratulations, Malkavian! You earned this for multiple campaigns this
    month, but the most memorable was that on behalf of your employers. It
    might actually have been effective, had you not done it in front of people
    who know you well enough that, had you told them the sun would rise
    tomorrow, they would consult an almanac to make sure. In the meantime,
    enjoy this video.



    BUSTED URINAL AWARD

    The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!

    12 votes David Tholen
    11 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    00 votes Neither of the above

    Congratulations! Your repetitiously robotic responses helped you eke out a
    slim victory for you as "the lamest of the lame on USENET" over someone who
    virtual stench is more like that of a rotting corpse than a busted urinal.
    It has also earned you a new nickname--Doctor Robotnik. Enjoy your new
    handle and watch out for fast-moving hedgehogs!

    UNABOMBER SURPRISE

    The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!

    10 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    09 votes John Wentzky
    04 votes Johnny Wizard
    02 votes None of the above

    Congratulations, Minnie Mouse! You beat out a tough field full of
    notorious screeders by a nose, demonstrating that persistence and
    weirdness, as well as "anonymously" spamming multiple groups, pay off.
    Don't leave, as the next one is yours, too.

    72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD

    The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!

    Daniel Joseph Min

    21 votes YES
    00 votes NO

    Congratulations, again, Minnie Mouse! While your theological views about
    atheists and the end times aren't particularly unique, they are both
    notorious and extreme. They've also been embellished by your attempts to
    combine your interpretation of Revelations with tarot, astrology, and the
    predictions of Nostradamus, resulting in some truly ridiculous predictions
    that have missed the mark by miles. Next stop, the Looney Maroon!

    BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK

    The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!

    David Tholen

    18 votes YES
    02 votes NO

    Congratulations a third and final time this month, Doctor Robotnik! As
    much as it personally pains me to give this award to as august a scientist
    as you, your online behavior really does fit the pattern of someone who has
    "lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker factory."

    BALSA GAVEL

    The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!

    Douglas Grant

    22 votes YES
    00 votes NO

    Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of hauling your online
    adversaries into court has finally been recognized, making you the first
    winner of this rarely presented award since Tim Bolen won it for September
    2006, the first month I counted the ballot and announced the winners. Now,
    don't bang the award on the table--it might shatter on you!

    BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD

    The winner is...

    10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
    09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
    trained by Meat Plow
    01 votes Neither of the above

    Congratulations, Unixd0rk! This is twice now that you've played games with
    domain names to honor your trainers. Do you have any more stupid net
    tricks for us (tinu)? Also, congratulations to Cujo, for gaining a new pet
    to replace his deceased one and training them both so well that they served
    as the first two AUK Mascots.

    PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

    The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!

    "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow

    18 votes YES
    03 votes NO

    Congratulations, Meat->Plow! This award recognizes not only this
    particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in which
    you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four years ago.

    All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!

    KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER

    The winner is...

    17 votes Pamela Russell
    04 votes Donald Alford AKA Wizard of Odds

    Congratulations again, Fangirlfriend! Your talent for spewing
    misinformation on behalf of your clay-footed, one-gloved idol led you to an
    easy defeat of a first-time opponent. Keep up the good work!

    MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS

    The winner is...NAZICOWARDS OF SOC.CULTURE.ISRAEL!

    12 votes Nazicowards of soc.culture.israel
    08 votes Bert "Bertrude" Hoff and Scott "Schattie" Abraham

    Congratulations, anti-semitic wankers! You have twice defeated very stong
    opposition, first by dethroning the B8MBies and then fending off a
    challenge by one of the longest-running circle jerks on USENET. I never
    know a shared hatred could be such an aphrodesiac!

    OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS

    The winner is...

    15 votes Jeff Relf
    09 votes Colonel Jake

    Congratulations, Relf the Illucid! May your tenure in office be as long as
    you are incomprehensible.

    This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2008
    Usenet Kook Awards. Thirty-three people submitted thirty-three
    ballots, all of which were ruled to be valid, although two of them required
    acts of unusual mercy on the part of the FNVW, which were granted because
    the violations were minor and the result of minor stupidity, not
    intentional cheating. Consequently, for the fifth consecutive election,
    all were counted. First, a kook sweeps the top three awards, then this.

    See you all very shortly, as the call for nominations for the AUK Mascot
    goes out in a few days. Also, I might get around to the AFA-B elections,
    as I have been promising for two months. Any bets that I'll get it done
    before Memorial Day? Until then, hail Fluffy and may Bob have mercy on
    your souls!

    And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big individual
    w(h)inner--Lady Veteran!


    "Pinky and The Brain, 'Brainstem'"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snO68aJTOpM

    --
    The Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler of AUK
    http://www.caballista.org/auk/index.html

  2. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    "Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler" wrote in
    message:

    > I'm so Gay that I shake when Art "Pokes IT in".


    We know Gay Pinky!

    HJ



  3. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler wrote:

    >
    > "20th Century Fox Fanfare"
    > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c
    >

    >
    > The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
    > Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!
    >
    > *drumroll*
    >
    > BOBO AWARD
    >
    > The winners are...BRANDON AND AMBER HERBERT...
    >
    > Brandon and Amber Herbert
    >
    > 17 votes YES
    > 02 votes NO
    >
    > Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Herbert. It was only a matter of time
    > before kookery from Craigslist earned an award here on AUK, and you
    > two pulled it off, even if you didn't succeed in covering up the
    > original crime. BTW, be prepared to say hi to "A Living Christ"
    > while you are serving your time. He might come visiting!
    >
    > AND...RAUNI!
    >
    > Jeanette "Rauni" Runyon
    >
    > 19 votes YES
    > 01 votes NO
    >
    > Congratulations, Rauni. Your propensity for kookery has long been
    > suspected, but it's astonishing that you confirmed it in such a big
    > way.
    >
    > KOOK OF THE MONTH
    >
    > The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >
    > 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    > 08 votes Greg "Greegor" Hanson
    > 00 votes Neither of the above
    >
    > Congratulations, Lady Veteran! In a battle of the former also-rans
    > for this award, you pulled off a big win against a fellow who
    > displays his kookery on AUK nearly every day, while you only rarely
    > posted yours to AUK.
    >
    > Stay right here. The next two awards are yours, as well.
    >
    > CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
    >
    > The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >
    > 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    > 07 votes Anthony X
    > 00 votes Neither of the above
    >
    > Congratulations a second time, LV! Your cluelessness about
    > appropriate behavior on USENET defeated someone who went on a crusade
    > to get a poster's Google Groups account nuked when the poster doesn't
    > even post out of Google Groups. It's difficult to top that, but you
    > did!
    >
    > COWARD OF THE MONTH
    >
    > The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >
    > 15 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    > 09 votes David Tholen
    > 01 votes Neither of the above
    >
    > Congratulations a final time, LV! Your propensity for real-lifing
    > your opponents has earned you a sweep of the top three monthly core
    > awards, which may be unprecidented and means that you have gone from
    > a non-winner to hitting the big time in one month. Also, it means
    > that you will be on the Kooks of the Year ballot next January four
    > times. Do you have a website? You could be on it a fifth time, too.
    >
    > JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >
    > 12 votes David Tholen
    > 08 votes Anthony X
    > 02 votes Neither of the above
    >
    > Congratulations, Dr. Tholen! For as award-winning a net-personality
    > as you are (by the time this ceremony is finished, you'll have 18
    > awards from AUK, as well as several from AFA-B; furthermore, last
    > month marked the 10th anniversary of your winning Kook of the Month),
    > it is surprising that you have never won the entry-level PAP award.
    > Since I am a firm believer that all kooks should have at least one
    > opportunity to win all the awards for which they are eligible, I am
    > pleased that you earned this honor. However, you are now so
    > overqualified for this award that I declare you ineligible to run for
    > it any more. Enjoy the company of Chuckles and St00pid!
    >
    > TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >
    > 12 votes Douglas Grant
    > 08 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    > 05 votes David Tholen
    > 00 votes None of the above
    >
    > Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of melting down,
    > extending back to your wails of protestation over the results of the
    > rec.gambling.blackjack.moderated election a decade ago, has finally
    > been recognized.
    >
    > VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > "Morgellons Is A Man-Made Silicon Based Life Form" by Alexa Cameron
    >
    > 23 votes YES
    > 00 votes NO
    >
    > Congratulations, Alexa! After a two-year hiatus, you have won your
    > fifth VVFWS Award with a weird science idea of striking originality.
    > If only your fertile imagination could synthesize ideas that would
    > actually survive controlled experiments and peer review, the world
    > really would be a better place!
    >
    > DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > "Revisionist claims about Galileo" by John Wentzky
    >
    > 21 votes YES
    > 01 votes NO
    >
    > Congratulations, John-boy! You started off making a weird science
    > claim, but it was really just a demonstration of cluelessness about
    > history above and beyond the usual ignorance by a net-kook. No
    > matter. Kooky ideas deserve proper recognition.
    >
    > GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
    >
    > The winner is...ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!
    >
    > 13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter
    > 08 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    > 04 votes John Wentzky
    > 00 votes None of the above
    >
    > Congratulations, Malkavian! You earned this for multiple campaigns
    > this month, but the most memorable was that on behalf of your
    > employers. It might actually have been effective, had you not done
    > it in front of people who know you well enough that, had you told
    > them the sun would rise tomorrow, they would consult an almanac to
    > make sure. In the meantime, enjoy this video.
    >
    >
    >
    > BUSTED URINAL AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >
    > 12 votes David Tholen
    > 11 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    > 00 votes Neither of the above
    >
    > Congratulations! Your repetitiously robotic responses helped you eke
    > out a slim victory for you as "the lamest of the lame on USENET" over
    > someone who virtual stench is more like that of a rotting corpse than
    > a busted urinal. It has also earned you a new nickname--Doctor
    > Robotnik. Enjoy your new handle and watch out for fast-moving
    > hedgehogs!
    >
    > UNABOMBER SURPRISE
    >
    > The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >
    > 10 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    > 09 votes John Wentzky
    > 04 votes Johnny Wizard
    > 02 votes None of the above
    >
    > Congratulations, Minnie Mouse! You beat out a tough field full of
    > notorious screeders by a nose, demonstrating that persistence and
    > weirdness, as well as "anonymously" spamming multiple groups, pay off.
    > Don't leave, as the next one is yours, too.
    >
    > 72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >
    > Daniel Joseph Min
    >
    > 21 votes YES
    > 00 votes NO
    >
    > Congratulations, again, Minnie Mouse! While your theological views
    > about atheists and the end times aren't particularly unique, they are
    > both notorious and extreme. They've also been embellished by your
    > attempts to combine your interpretation of Revelations with tarot,
    > astrology, and the predictions of Nostradamus, resulting in some
    > truly ridiculous predictions that have missed the mark by miles.
    > Next stop, the Looney Maroon!
    >
    > BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
    >
    > The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >
    > David Tholen
    >
    > 18 votes YES
    > 02 votes NO
    >
    > Congratulations a third and final time this month, Doctor Robotnik!
    > As much as it personally pains me to give this award to as august a
    > scientist as you, your online behavior really does fit the pattern of
    > someone who has "lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker factory."
    >
    > BALSA GAVEL
    >
    > The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >
    > Douglas Grant
    >
    > 22 votes YES
    > 00 votes NO
    >
    > Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of hauling your online
    > adversaries into court has finally been recognized, making you the
    > first winner of this rarely presented award since Tim Bolen won it
    > for September 2006, the first month I counted the ballot and
    > announced the winners. Now, don't bang the award on the table--it
    > might shatter on you!
    >
    > BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > 10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
    > 09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
    > trained by Meat Plow
    > 01 votes Neither of the above
    >
    > Congratulations, Unixd0rk! This is twice now that you've played
    > games with domain names to honor your trainers. Do you have any more
    > stupid net tricks for us (tinu)? Also, congratulations to Cujo, for
    > gaining a new pet to replace his deceased one and training them both
    > so well that they served as the first two AUK Mascots.
    >
    > PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
    >
    > The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!
    >
    > "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow
    >
    > 18 votes YES
    > 03 votes NO
    >
    > Congratulations, Meat->Plow! This award recognizes not only this
    > particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in
    > which you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four
    > years ago.
    >
    > All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!
    >
    > KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > 17 votes Pamela Russell
    > 04 votes Donald Alford AKA Wizard of Odds
    >
    > Congratulations again, Fangirlfriend! Your talent for spewing
    > misinformation on behalf of your clay-footed, one-gloved idol led you
    > to an easy defeat of a first-time opponent. Keep up the good work!
    >
    > MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
    >
    > The winner is...NAZICOWARDS OF SOC.CULTURE.ISRAEL!
    >
    > 12 votes Nazicowards of soc.culture.israel
    > 08 votes Bert "Bertrude" Hoff and Scott "Schattie" Abraham
    >
    > Congratulations, anti-semitic wankers! You have twice defeated very
    > stong opposition, first by dethroning the B8MBies and then fending
    > off a challenge by one of the longest-running circle jerks on USENET.
    > I never know a shared hatred could be such an aphrodesiac!
    >
    > OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > 15 votes Jeff Relf
    > 09 votes Colonel Jake
    >
    > Congratulations, Relf the Illucid! May your tenure in office be as
    > long as you are incomprehensible.
    >
    > This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2008
    > Usenet Kook Awards.


    WOW!

    That's like really NEAT-O, Lumpy.

    Like. I know I'm just a kid and junk .... But can I nominate my brother
    Wally (His real name is Wallace) for an award next month?

    HEY!? I'll bet if I do, he'll think i'm really keen and stuff.

    THANKS!

    Your Pal,

    The Beaver



  4. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler wrote in
    news:g05ij9$le4$1@blackhelicopter.databasix.com:

    > The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
    > Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!
    >
    > BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > 10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
    > 09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
    > trained by Meat Plow
    > 01 votes Neither of the above
    >
    > Congratulations, Unixd0rk! This is twice now that you've played games
    > with domain names to honor your trainers. Do you have any more stupid
    > net tricks for us (tinu)? Also, congratulations to Cujo, for gaining
    > a new pet to replace his deceased one and training them both so well
    > that they served as the first two AUK Mascots.


    Is it too late to vote for MP? A tie would be far more fair. Oh well,
    I'll make sure by nominating him for the next month's ballot...

    CF: Jbbbb-ubbbbb! Zl pnaqvqngr(f) xvpxrq nff!

    --
    Cujo - The Official Overseer of Kooks and Trolls
    in dfw.*, alt.paranormal, alt.astrology and alt.astrology.metapsych.
    COOSN-266-06-01895 - Supreme Holy Overlord of alt.****nozzles
    Winner of the 8/2000 & 2/2003 HL&S award & July 2005 Hammer of Thor.
    Winning Trainer - Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle - Dec. 2005
    "Interesting that you abuser/junkies think that because you clutter
    up a bunch of newsgroups with harassment and off topic spin doctoring
    that this has some affect on me as a chewtoy." - Ed the chewtoy.

  5. "VideO Madness" (Thanks (Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008)) "Godhead - Eleanor Rigby!!!..."


    Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler
    (news:g05ij9$le4$1@blackhelicopter.databasix.com) -or-

    :
    : OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS
    :
    : The winner is...
    :
    : 15 votes Jeff Relf
    : 09 votes Colonel Jake
    :

    Now that?,
    "I have been an Illucidus Maximus?!?!?!,...., I just would like
    to say, everyday has always been an Miraculous Momentus here in
    AUK, and most of all?!?!?!,...., Usenet!!!..."

    I have been?,
    "Proud to have served, but it is now time to pass Teh Torch of
    AUK's der'Office of Illucidus Maximus to our newest w(h)inner,
    Jeff Relf!!! (may GoD have mercy on our souls)..."

    Congratulations Jeff Relf?,
    "May this Office Position?!?!?!,...., hold you on,
    for along time, again congratulations!!!..."

    I would just like?,
    "To thank those who have supported me throughout all of my
    Usenet ordeals (especially Pinku-Sensei and Goddess Kali), and
    mostly to my fellow RAMD'sters of RAMD'land, for I dont believe
    that they have ever once?!?!?! (RAMD),...., helped me to guarantee
    a win in Teh AUK's der'Ville Monthly KoOk Awards,
    ever!!! (bad RAMD'sters, bad)..."
    (rec.arts.marching.drumcorps (DEM'FASTARD'BoTHER'MUCKERS))

    "VideO Madness" "Godhead - Eleanor Rigby!!!..."

    COlOnel Jake Enterprises®
    Presents
    http://www.coloneljake.com/videos/00B7/

    --

    High Speed Internet Connection
    http://www.coloneljake.com/pages/page200/

    Dialup Internet Connection
    http://www.coloneljake.com/pages/page201/

    The Order of Lenin for Usefulness
    http://www.coloneljake.com/pages/page017/

    Alt.Usenet.KoOks der'Official KoOk****e
    http://club127.net/auk/

    ¸,.,¸
    :And then some...
    `^'^´



  6. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler wrote:
    :
    : "20th Century Fox Fanfare"
    : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c
    :

    :
    : The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
    : Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!
    :
    : *drumroll*
    :
    : BOBO AWARD
    :
    : The winners are...BRANDON AND AMBER HERBERT...
    :
    : Brandon and Amber Herbert
    :
    : 17 votes YES
    : 02 votes NO
    :
    : Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Herbert. It was only a matter of time
    : before kookery from Craigslist earned an award here on AUK, and you
    : two pulled it off, even if you didn't succeed in covering up the
    : original crime. BTW, be prepared to say hi to "A Living Christ"
    : while you are serving your time. He might come visiting!
    :
    : AND...RAUNI!
    :
    : Jeanette "Rauni" Runyon
    :
    : 19 votes YES
    : 01 votes NO
    :
    : Congratulations, Rauni. Your propensity for kookery has long been
    : suspected, but it's astonishing that you confirmed it in such a big
    : way.
    :
    : KOOK OF THE MONTH
    :
    : The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    :
    : 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    : 08 votes Greg "Greegor" Hanson
    : 00 votes Neither of the above
    :
    : Congratulations, Lady Veteran! In a battle of the former also-rans
    : for this award, you pulled off a big win against a fellow who
    : displays his kookery on AUK nearly every day, while you only rarely
    : posted yours to AUK.
    :
    : Stay right here. The next two awards are yours, as well.
    :
    : CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
    :
    : The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    :
    : 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    : 07 votes Anthony X
    : 00 votes Neither of the above
    :
    : Congratulations a second time, LV! Your cluelessness about
    : appropriate behavior on USENET defeated someone who went on a crusade
    : to get a poster's Google Groups account nuked when the poster doesn't
    : even post out of Google Groups. It's difficult to top that, but you
    : did!
    :
    : COWARD OF THE MONTH
    :
    : The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    :
    : 15 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    : 09 votes David Tholen
    : 01 votes Neither of the above
    :
    : Congratulations a final time, LV! Your propensity for real-lifing
    : your opponents has earned you a sweep of the top three monthly core
    : awards, which may be unprecidented and means that you have gone from
    : a non-winner to hitting the big time in one month. Also, it means
    : that you will be on the Kooks of the Year ballot next January four
    : times. Do you have a website? You could be on it a fifth time, too.
    :
    : JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
    :
    : The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    :
    : 12 votes David Tholen
    : 08 votes Anthony X
    : 02 votes Neither of the above
    :
    : Congratulations, Dr. Tholen! For as award-winning a net-personality
    : as you are (by the time this ceremony is finished, you'll have 18
    : awards from AUK, as well as several from AFA-B; furthermore, last
    : month marked the 10th anniversary of your winning Kook of the Month),
    : it is surprising that you have never won the entry-level PAP award.
    : Since I am a firm believer that all kooks should have at least one
    : opportunity to win all the awards for which they are eligible, I am
    : pleased that you earned this honor. However, you are now so
    : overqualified for this award that I declare you ineligible to run for
    : it any more. Enjoy the company of Chuckles and St00pid!
    :
    : TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
    :
    : The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    :
    : 12 votes Douglas Grant
    : 08 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    : 05 votes David Tholen
    : 00 votes None of the above
    :
    : Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of melting down,
    : extending back to your wails of protestation over the results of the
    : rec.gambling.blackjack.moderated election a decade ago, has finally
    : been recognized.
    :
    : VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
    :
    : The winner is...
    :
    : "Morgellons Is A Man-Made Silicon Based Life Form" by Alexa Cameron
    :
    : 23 votes YES
    : 00 votes NO
    :
    : Congratulations, Alexa! After a two-year hiatus, you have won your
    : fifth VVFWS Award with a weird science idea of striking originality.
    : If only your fertile imagination could synthesize ideas that would
    : actually survive controlled experiments and peer review, the world
    : really would be a better place!
    :
    : DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
    :
    : The winner is...
    :
    : "Revisionist claims about Galileo" by John Wentzky
    :
    : 21 votes YES
    : 01 votes NO
    :
    : Congratulations, John-boy! You started off making a weird science
    : claim, but it was really just a demonstration of cluelessness about
    : history above and beyond the usual ignorance by a net-kook. No
    : matter. Kooky ideas deserve proper recognition.
    :
    : GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
    :
    : The winner is...ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!
    :
    : 13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter
    : 08 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    : 04 votes John Wentzky
    : 00 votes None of the above
    :
    : Congratulations, Malkavian! You earned this for multiple campaigns
    : this month, but the most memorable was that on behalf of your
    : employers. It might actually have been effective, had you not done
    : it in front of people who know you well enough that, had you told
    : them the sun would rise tomorrow, they would consult an almanac to
    : make sure. In the meantime, enjoy this video.
    :
    :
    :
    : BUSTED URINAL AWARD
    :
    : The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    :
    : 12 votes David Tholen
    : 11 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    : 00 votes Neither of the above
    :
    : Congratulations! Your repetitiously robotic responses helped you eke
    : out a slim victory for you as "the lamest of the lame on USENET" over
    : someone who virtual stench is more like that of a rotting corpse than
    : a busted urinal. It has also earned you a new nickname--Doctor
    : Robotnik. Enjoy your new handle and watch out for fast-moving
    : hedgehogs!
    :
    : UNABOMBER SURPRISE
    :
    : The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    :
    : 10 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    : 09 votes John Wentzky
    : 04 votes Johnny Wizard
    : 02 votes None of the above
    :
    : Congratulations, Minnie Mouse! You beat out a tough field full of
    : notorious screeders by a nose, demonstrating that persistence and
    : weirdness, as well as "anonymously" spamming multiple groups, pay off.
    : Don't leave, as the next one is yours, too.
    :
    : 72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
    :
    : The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    :
    : Daniel Joseph Min
    :
    : 21 votes YES
    : 00 votes NO
    :
    : Congratulations, again, Minnie Mouse! While your theological views
    : about atheists and the end times aren't particularly unique, they are
    : both notorious and extreme. They've also been embellished by your
    : attempts to combine your interpretation of Revelations with tarot,
    : astrology, and the predictions of Nostradamus, resulting in some
    : truly ridiculous predictions that have missed the mark by miles.
    : Next stop, the Looney Maroon!
    :
    : BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
    :
    : The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    :
    : David Tholen
    :
    : 18 votes YES
    : 02 votes NO
    :
    : Congratulations a third and final time this month, Doctor Robotnik!
    : As much as it personally pains me to give this award to as august a
    : scientist as you, your online behavior really does fit the pattern of
    : someone who has "lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker factory."
    :
    : BALSA GAVEL
    :
    : The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    :
    : Douglas Grant
    :
    : 22 votes YES
    : 00 votes NO
    :
    : Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of hauling your online
    : adversaries into court has finally been recognized, making you the
    : first winner of this rarely presented award since Tim Bolen won it
    : for September 2006, the first month I counted the ballot and
    : announced the winners. Now, don't bang the award on the table--it
    : might shatter on you!
    :
    : BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
    :
    : The winner is...
    :
    : 10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
    : 09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
    : trained by Meat Plow
    : 01 votes Neither of the above
    :
    : Congratulations, Unixd0rk! This is twice now that you've played
    : games with domain names to honor your trainers. Do you have any more
    : stupid net tricks for us (tinu)? Also, congratulations to Cujo, for
    : gaining a new pet to replace his deceased one and training them both
    : so well that they served as the first two AUK Mascots.
    :
    : PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
    :
    : The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!
    :
    : "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow
    :
    : 18 votes YES
    : 03 votes NO
    :
    : Congratulations, Meat->Plow! This award recognizes not only this
    : particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in
    : which you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four
    : years ago.
    :
    : All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!
    :
    : KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
    :
    : The winner is...
    :
    : 17 votes Pamela Russell
    : 04 votes Donald Alford AKA Wizard of Odds
    :
    : Congratulations again, Fangirlfriend! Your talent for spewing
    : misinformation on behalf of your clay-footed, one-gloved idol led you
    : to an easy defeat of a first-time opponent. Keep up the good work!
    :
    : MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
    :
    : The winner is...NAZICOWARDS OF SOC.CULTURE.ISRAEL!
    :
    : 12 votes Nazicowards of soc.culture.israel
    : 08 votes Bert "Bertrude" Hoff and Scott "Schattie" Abraham
    :
    : Congratulations, anti-semitic wankers! You have twice defeated very
    : stong opposition, first by dethroning the B8MBies and then fending
    : off a challenge by one of the longest-running circle jerks on USENET.
    : I never know a shared hatred could be such an aphrodesiac!
    :
    : OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS
    :
    : The winner is...
    :
    : 15 votes Jeff Relf
    : 09 votes Colonel Jake
    :
    : Congratulations, Relf the Illucid! May your tenure in office be as
    : long as you are incomprehensible.
    :
    : This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2008
    : Usenet Kook Awards. Thirty-three people submitted thirty-three
    : ballots, all of which were ruled to be valid, although two of them
    : required acts of unusual mercy on the part of the FNVW, which were
    : granted because the violations were minor and the result of minor
    : stupidity, not intentional cheating. Consequently, for the fifth
    : consecutive election, all were counted. First, a kook sweeps the top
    : three awards, then this.
    :
    : See you all very shortly, as the call for nominations for the AUK
    : Mascot goes out in a few days. Also, I might get around to the AFA-B
    : elections, as I have been promising for two months. Any bets that
    : I'll get it done before Memorial Day? Until then, hail Fluffy and
    : may Bob have mercy on your souls!
    :
    : And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big individual
    : w(h)inner--Lady Veteran!
    :
    :
    : "Pinky and The Brain, 'Brainstem'"
    : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snO68aJTOpM
    :


    my, my. where have I been . . .



  7. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    "Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler" wrote in
    message news:g05ij9$le4$1@blackhelicopter.databasix.com...

    > PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
    >
    > The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!
    >
    > "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow
    >
    > 18 votes YES
    > 03 votes NO
    >
    > Congratulations, Meat->Plow! This award recognizes not only this
    > particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in which
    > you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four years ago.
    >
    > All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!



    All Hail Grate->Plow for he hace much meatness!!!2!!

    Well done, squire. Very worthy trolling, richly rewarded and well deserved.

    --
    alt.usenet.kooks
    "We are arrant knaves all, believe none of us."
    Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1 [129]

    Hammer of Thor: February 2007. Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook,
    Line & Sinker: September 2005, April 2006, January 2007.
    Official Member: Cabal Obsidian Order COOSN-124-07-06660
    Official Overseer of Kooks & Trolls in 24hoursupport.helpdesk

    Member of:
    Usenet Ruiner List
    Top Assholes on the Net List
    Most hated usenetizens of all time List
    Cog in the AUK Hate Machine List

    Find me on Google Maps: 24°39'47.13"S, 134°4'20.18"E


  8. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Respondant wrote:
    > Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler wrote:




    >> PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
    >>
    >> The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!
    >>
    >> "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow
    >>
    >> 18 votes YES
    >> 03 votes NO
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Meat->Plow! This award recognizes not only this
    >> particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in
    >> which you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four
    >> years ago.
    >>
    >> All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!



    >> This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2008
    >> Usenet Kook Awards.

    >
    > WOW!
    >
    > That's like really NEAT-O, Lumpy.


    There's even neater. For example, they gave Meathead an award because I
    responded to this:

    > Haven't seen the Cranstard around for what a couple weeks. Come to
    > think of it RLK and CN aka AB are also MIA. I think it was wise of
    > them to tuck their tails between their legs and run.


    news:65leahF2ghv8hU1@mid.individual.net

    > Like. I know I'm just a kid and junk .... But can I nominate my
    > brother Wally (His real name is Wallace) for an award next month?
    >
    > HEY!? I'll bet if I do, he'll think i'm really keen and stuff.
    >
    > THANKS!
    >
    > Your Pal,
    >
    > The Beaver


    How's things in your neck of the woods?

    --
    Rhonda Lea Kirk

    Never attribute to malice that which can be
    adequately explained by stupidity...

    ....but keep your eyes open. Robert A. Heinlein




  9. PING nelohT: Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler wrote:

    >
    >"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
    >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c
    >

    >
    >The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
    >Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!
    >
    >*drumroll*
    >
    >BOBO AWARD
    >
    > The winners are...BRANDON AND AMBER HERBERT...
    >
    >Brandon and Amber Herbert
    >
    > 17 votes YES
    > 02 votes NO
    >
    >Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Herbert. It was only a matter of time before
    >kookery from Craigslist earned an award here on AUK, and you two pulled it
    >off, even if you didn't succeed in covering up the original crime. BTW, be
    >prepared to say hi to "A Living Christ" while you are serving your time.
    >He might come visiting!
    >
    > AND...RAUNI!
    >
    > Jeanette "Rauni" Runyon
    >
    > 19 votes YES
    > 01 votes NO
    >
    >Congratulations, Rauni. Your propensity for kookery has long been
    >suspected, but it's astonishing that you confirmed it in such a big way.
    >
    >KOOK OF THE MONTH
    >
    > The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >
    > 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    > 08 votes Greg "Greegor" Hanson
    > 00 votes Neither of the above
    >
    >Congratulations, Lady Veteran! In a battle of the former also-rans for
    >this award, you pulled off a big win against a fellow who displays his
    >kookery on AUK nearly every day, while you only rarely posted yours to AUK.
    >
    >Stay right here. The next two awards are yours, as well.
    >
    >CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
    >
    > The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >
    > 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    > 07 votes Anthony X
    > 00 votes Neither of the above
    >
    >Congratulations a second time, LV! Your cluelessness about appropriate
    >behavior on USENET defeated someone who went on a crusade to get a poster's
    >Google Groups account nuked when the poster doesn't even post out of Google
    >Groups. It's difficult to top that, but you did!
    >
    >COWARD OF THE MONTH
    >
    > The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >
    > 15 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    > 09 votes David Tholen
    > 01 votes Neither of the above
    >
    >Congratulations a final time, LV! Your propensity for real-lifing your
    >opponents has earned you a sweep of the top three monthly core awards,
    >which may be unprecidented and means that you have gone from a non-winner
    >to hitting the big time in one month. Also, it means that you will be on
    >the Kooks of the Year ballot next January four times. Do you have a
    >website? You could be on it a fifth time, too.


    Ah well, you were beaten by a heavyweight kook who took the top three
    awards this month. Chin up, old-man! I'm sure you'll be post-editing
    more typos and then lying about them in the future, as well as deleting
    yourself from attributions. Oh by the way -- got the cajones to post
    the second line of that quote of which you are so fond?
    >
    >JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >
    > 12 votes David Tholen
    > 08 votes Anthony X
    > 02 votes Neither of the above
    >
    >Congratulations, Dr. Tholen! For as award-winning a net-personality as you
    >are (by the time this ceremony is finished, you'll have 18 awards from AUK,
    >as well as several from AFA-B; furthermore, last month marked the 10th
    >anniversary of your winning Kook of the Month), it is surprising that you
    >have never won the entry-level PAP award. Since I am a firm believer that
    >all kooks should have at least one opportunity to win all the awards for
    >which they are eligible, I am pleased that you earned this honor. However,
    >you are now so overqualified for this award that I declare you ineligible
    >to run for it any more. Enjoy the company of Chuckles and St00pid!


    Yes, typing "classic erroneous presupposition" over and over is
    pathetic, nelohT. Along with just about everything else do on usenet.
    >
    >TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >
    > 12 votes Douglas Grant
    > 08 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    > 05 votes David Tholen
    > 00 votes None of the above
    >
    >Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of melting down, extending back
    >to your wails of protestation over the results of the
    >rec.gambling.blackjack.moderated election a decade ago, has finally been
    >recognized.


    Squashed. Better luck next time.
    >
    >VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > "Morgellons Is A Man-Made Silicon Based Life Form" by Alexa Cameron
    >
    > 23 votes YES
    > 00 votes NO
    >
    >Congratulations, Alexa! After a two-year hiatus, you have won your fifth
    >VVFWS Award with a weird science idea of striking originality. If only
    >your fertile imagination could synthesize ideas that would actually survive
    >controlled experiments and peer review, the world really would be a better
    >place!


    Hi, Alexa!
    >
    >DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > "Revisionist claims about Galileo" by John Wentzky
    >
    > 21 votes YES
    > 01 votes NO
    >
    >Congratulations, John-boy! You started off making a weird science claim,
    >but it was really just a demonstration of cluelessness about history above
    >and beyond the usual ignorance by a net-kook. No matter. Kooky ideas
    >deserve proper recognition.
    >
    >GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
    >
    > The winner is...ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!
    >
    > 13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter
    > 08 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    > 04 votes John Wentzky
    > 00 votes None of the above
    >
    >Congratulations, Malkavian! You earned this for multiple campaigns this
    >month, but the most memorable was that on behalf of your employers. It
    >might actually have been effective, had you not done it in front of people
    >who know you well enough that, had you told them the sun would rise
    >tomorrow, they would consult an almanac to make sure. In the meantime,
    >enjoy this video.
    >
    >
    >
    >BUSTED URINAL AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >
    > 12 votes David Tholen
    > 11 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    > 00 votes Neither of the above
    >
    >Congratulations! Your repetitiously robotic responses helped you eke out a
    >slim victory for you as "the lamest of the lame on USENET" over someone who
    >virtual stench is more like that of a rotting corpse than a busted urinal.
    >It has also earned you a new nickname--Doctor Robotnik. Enjoy your new
    >handle and watch out for fast-moving hedgehogs!


    Yeah, you are lame, nelohT. The unabashed and unashamed champion of
    the IKYABWAI, and the "still beating your wife?" loaded question. You
    beat out Usenet's most notorious pseudoscience kook who has found his
    way into the highest number of killlfiles on record -- think about it.

    Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention the infamous nelohT typo pounce.
    >
    >UNABOMBER SURPRISE
    >
    > The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >
    > 10 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    > 09 votes John Wentzky
    > 04 votes Johnny Wizard
    > 02 votes None of the above
    >
    >Congratulations, Minnie Mouse! You beat out a tough field full of
    >notorious screeders by a nose, demonstrating that persistence and
    >weirdness, as well as "anonymously" spamming multiple groups, pay off.
    >Don't leave, as the next one is yours, too.
    >
    >72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >
    > Daniel Joseph Min
    >
    > 21 votes YES
    > 00 votes NO
    >
    >Congratulations, again, Minnie Mouse! While your theological views about
    >atheists and the end times aren't particularly unique, they are both
    >notorious and extreme. They've also been embellished by your attempts to
    >combine your interpretation of Revelations with tarot, astrology, and the
    >predictions of Nostradamus, resulting in some truly ridiculous predictions
    >that have missed the mark by miles. Next stop, the Looney Maroon!
    >
    >BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
    >
    > The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >
    > David Tholen
    >
    > 18 votes YES
    > 02 votes NO
    >
    >Congratulations a third and final time this month, Doctor Robotnik! As
    >much as it personally pains me to give this award to as august a scientist
    >as you, your online behavior really does fit the pattern of someone who has
    >"lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker factory."


    Well-deserved, and long overdue. nelohT believes that replying with
    the question "what does that have to do with OS/2?" automatically makes
    his off-topic digests on-topic. He's also managed to convince himself
    that I believe I'm God. And for quite a while after he won the
    prestigious GK, he was enamored with the line "so much for your golden
    killfile, Deco."
    >
    >BALSA GAVEL
    >
    > The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >
    > Douglas Grant
    >
    > 22 votes YES
    > 00 votes NO
    >
    >Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of hauling your online
    >adversaries into court has finally been recognized, making you the first
    >winner of this rarely presented award since Tim Bolen won it for September
    >2006, the first month I counted the ballot and announced the winners. Now,
    >don't bang the award on the table--it might shatter on you!
    >
    >BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > 10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
    > 09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
    > trained by Meat Plow
    > 01 votes Neither of the above
    >
    >Congratulations, Unixd0rk! This is twice now that you've played games with
    >domain names to honor your trainers. Do you have any more stupid net
    >tricks for us (tinu)? Also, congratulations to Cujo, for gaining a new pet
    >to replace his deceased one and training them both so well that they served
    >as the first two AUK Mascots.


    mop jockey *hates* being ignored.
    >
    >PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
    >
    > The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!
    >
    > "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow
    >
    > 18 votes YES
    > 03 votes NO
    >
    >Congratulations, Meat->Plow! This award recognizes not only this
    >particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in which
    >you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four years ago.
    >
    >All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!
    >
    >KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > 17 votes Pamela Russell
    > 04 votes Donald Alford AKA Wizard of Odds
    >
    >Congratulations again, Fangirlfriend! Your talent for spewing
    >misinformation on behalf of your clay-footed, one-gloved idol led you to an
    >easy defeat of a first-time opponent. Keep up the good work!
    >
    >MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
    >
    > The winner is...NAZICOWARDS OF SOC.CULTURE.ISRAEL!
    >
    > 12 votes Nazicowards of soc.culture.israel
    > 08 votes Bert "Bertrude" Hoff and Scott "Schattie" Abraham
    >
    >Congratulations, anti-semitic wankers! You have twice defeated very stong
    >opposition, first by dethroning the B8MBies and then fending off a
    >challenge by one of the longest-running circle jerks on USENET. I never
    >know a shared hatred could be such an aphrodesiac!
    >
    >OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS
    >
    > The winner is...
    >
    > 15 votes Jeff Relf
    > 09 votes Colonel Jake
    >
    >Congratulations, Relf the Illucid! May your tenure in office be as long as
    >you are incomprehensible.


    Hi, JeffRelf! Have you smoked your hand-rolled newsreader yet?
    >
    >This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2008
    >Usenet Kook Awards. Thirty-three people submitted thirty-three
    >ballots, all of which were ruled to be valid, although two of them required
    >acts of unusual mercy on the part of the FNVW, which were granted because
    >the violations were minor and the result of minor stupidity, not
    >intentional cheating. Consequently, for the fifth consecutive election,
    >all were counted. First, a kook sweeps the top three awards, then this.
    >
    >See you all very shortly, as the call for nominations for the AUK Mascot
    >goes out in a few days. Also, I might get around to the AFA-B elections,
    >as I have been promising for two months. Any bets that I'll get it done
    >before Memorial Day? Until then, hail Fluffy and may Bob have mercy on
    >your souls!
    >
    >And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big individual
    >w(h)inner--Lady Veteran!
    >
    >
    >"Pinky and The Brain, 'Brainstem'"
    >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snO68aJTOpM
    >


    Well done, FNVW!

    --
    "Substantiation that you regard yourself as a God to be worhsipped [sic]
    should be your concern, Deco."
    -- David Tholen

  10. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Cujo DeSockpuppet wrote:

    >Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler wrote in
    >news:g05ij9$le4$1@blackhelicopter.databasix.com:
    >
    >> The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
    >> Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!
    >>
    >> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
    >>
    >> The winner is...
    >>
    >> 10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
    >> 09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
    >> trained by Meat Plow
    >> 01 votes Neither of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Unixd0rk! This is twice now that you've played games
    >> with domain names to honor your trainers. Do you have any more stupid
    >> net tricks for us (tinu)? Also, congratulations to Cujo, for gaining
    >> a new pet to replace his deceased one and training them both so well
    >> that they served as the first two AUK Mascots.

    >
    >Is it too late to vote for MP? A tie would be far more fair. Oh well,
    >I'll make sure by nominating him for the next month's ballot...
    >
    >CF: Jbbbb-ubbbbb! Zl pnaqvqngr(f) xvpxrq nff!


    Jryy qbar, fve!

    --
    "Substantiation that you regard yourself as a God to be worhsipped [sic]
    should be your concern, Deco."
    -- David Tholen

  11. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    On Sun, 11 May 2008 01:36:42 +0000 (UTC), Friendly Neighborhood Vote
    Wrangler wrote:

    The only time I post to AUK is when there is a cross post, like this.

    It is proof that rumor and innuendo will win out over facts and truth
    ever time.

    My nomination and "award" is indicative of the gossip mongers and
    brain stems who have such a following.

    I march to my own drummer and am NOT ASHAMED of ANYTHING I have done.

    Enjoy your idiocy. Someday you will all chock on it.

    LV

    "I rode a tank and held a general's rank
    When the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank."

    ---Sympathy for the Devil-The Rolling Stones
    --------------------------------------------
    "A fanatic cannot change his mind and will not
    change the subject."

    ---Winston Churchill
    ----------------------------------------------

    Posted Via Usenet.com Premium Usenet Newsgroup Services
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    http://www.usenet.com

  12. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Lady Veteran wrote:

    >The only time I post to AUK is when there is a cross post, like this.
    >
    >It is proof that rumor and innuendo will win out over facts and truth
    >ever time.
    >
    >My nomination and "award" is indicative of the gossip mongers and
    >brain stems who have such a following.
    >
    >I march to my own drummer and am NOT ASHAMED of ANYTHING I have done.
    >
    >Enjoy your idiocy. Someday you will all chock on it.


    I'm seriously disappointed with the froth level in your acceptance
    speech. A few more paragraphs of denial would have been much more
    entertaining.

  13. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    On Sun, 11 May 2008 12:35:40 -0400, Sharky wrote:

    >Lady Veteran wrote:
    >
    >>The only time I post to AUK is when there is a cross post, like this.
    >>
    >>It is proof that rumor and innuendo will win out over facts and truth
    >>ever time.
    >>
    >>My nomination and "award" is indicative of the gossip mongers and
    >>brain stems who have such a following.
    >>
    >>I march to my own drummer and am NOT ASHAMED of ANYTHING I have done.
    >>
    >>Enjoy your idiocy. Someday you will all chock on it.

    >
    >I'm seriously disappointed with the froth level in your acceptance
    >speech. A few more paragraphs of denial would have been much more
    >entertaining.


    I agree. Especially for a veteran, she is not holding up her end of the stick.
    We have come to expect much more out of those who have served our country. Is
    it me or are these self proclaimed veterans just trying to skate by without
    really making that serious commitment?

    Of course "chock" on it draws several snickers from the gallery.

  14. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    On Sun, 11 May 2008 11:24:46 -0500, Lady Veteran
    wrote:

    >On Sun, 11 May 2008 01:36:42 +0000 (UTC), Friendly Neighborhood Vote
    >Wrangler wrote:


    <...>

    >I march to my own drummer and am NOT ASHAMED of ANYTHING I have done.
    >Enjoy your idiocy. Someday you will all chock on it.
    >
    >LV


    ..SIG!

    --
    "I march to my own drummer and am NOT ASHAMED of ANYTHING I have
    done. Enjoy your idiocy. Someday you will all chock on it."
    - Lady Veteran, accepting the 04/2008 KOTM, CNOTM, and COTM trifecta.

  15. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Lady Veteran wrote in
    news:i47e241ml89ju7ek74sgetf4vf5m7ta8lr@4ax.com:

    > On Sun, 11 May 2008 01:36:42 +0000 (UTC), Friendly Neighborhood Vote
    > Wrangler wrote:



    > The only time I post to AUK is when there is a cross post, like this.


    Cowardice noted. Texans are ashamed you're still in the same state as
    them. Please deport yourself to Kentucky or something.

    > It is proof that rumor and innuendo will win out over facts and truth
    > ever time.


    You mean like your posting bounties for people's names, you ****ing slug?
    That's obviously "rumor and innuendo", ain't it? Kook!

    > My nomination and "award" is indicative of the gossip mongers and
    > brain stems who have such a following.


    A lot of others voted for you, dip****.

    > I march to my own drummer and am NOT ASHAMED of ANYTHING I have done.


    ..sig material!!!1!!!! MINE!!!!2!!!!

    > Enjoy your idiocy. Someday you will all chock on it.


    I expected a better acceptance speech given all the time you've had to
    come up with one. Given you kicked ass on the awards this month, I want
    you to do better and submit a revised speech no later than Monday night.

    Get hopping.

    --
    Cujo - The Official Overseer of Kooks and Trolls
    in dfw.*, alt.paranormal, alt.astrology and alt.astrology.metapsych.
    COOSN-266-06-01895 - Supreme Holy Overlord of alt.****nozzles
    Winner of the 8/2000 & 2/2003 HL&S award & July 2005 Hammer of Thor.
    Winning Trainer - Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle - Dec. 2005
    "The dump is a good place too." -Edmond Wollmann, keeping his options
    open for a future place for storing his unsold books.

  16. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    On Sun, 11 May 2008 11:24:46 -0500, Lady Veteran wrote:

    > On Sun, 11 May 2008 01:36:42 +0000 (UTC), Friendly Neighborhood Vote
    > Wrangler wrote:
    >
    > The only time I post to AUK is when there is a cross post, like this.


    You are still posting to AUK

    > It is proof that rumor and innuendo will win out over facts and truth
    > ever time.
    >
    > My nomination and "award" is indicative of the gossip mongers and
    > brain stems who have such a following.
    >
    > I march to my own drummer and am NOT ASHAMED of ANYTHING I have done.
    >
    > Enjoy your idiocy. Someday you will all chock on it.
    >
    > LV


    That was a good acceptance speech.


    --
    #1 Offishul Ruiner of Usenet, March 2007
    #1 Usenet Asshole, March 2007
    #10 Most hated Usenetizen of all time
    Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2004
    COOSN-266-06-25794



  17. Re: PING nelohT: Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Art Deco writes:

    > Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler wrote:


    >>
    >> "20th Century Fox Fanfare"
    >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c
    >>

    >>
    >> The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
    >> Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!
    >>
    >> *drumroll*
    >>
    >> BOBO AWARD
    >>
    >> The winners are...BRANDON AND AMBER HERBERT...
    >>
    >> Brandon and Amber Herbert
    >>
    >> 17 votes YES
    >> 02 votes NO
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Herbert. It was only a matter of time before
    >> kookery from Craigslist earned an award here on AUK, and you two pulled it
    >> off, even if you didn't succeed in covering up the original crime. BTW, be
    >> prepared to say hi to "A Living Christ" while you are serving your time.
    >> He might come visiting!
    >>
    >> AND...RAUNI!
    >>
    >> Jeanette "Rauni" Runyon
    >>
    >> 19 votes YES
    >> 01 votes NO
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Rauni. Your propensity for kookery has long been
    >> suspected, but it's astonishing that you confirmed it in such a big way.
    >>
    >> KOOK OF THE MONTH
    >>
    >> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >>
    >> 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >> 08 votes Greg "Greegor" Hanson
    >> 00 votes Neither of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Lady Veteran! In a battle of the former also-rans for
    >> this award, you pulled off a big win against a fellow who displays his
    >> kookery on AUK nearly every day, while you only rarely posted yours to AUK.
    >>
    >> Stay right here. The next two awards are yours, as well.
    >>
    >> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
    >>
    >> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >>
    >> 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >> 07 votes Anthony X
    >> 00 votes Neither of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations a second time, LV! Your cluelessness about appropriate
    >> behavior on USENET defeated someone who went on a crusade to get a poster's
    >> Google Groups account nuked when the poster doesn't even post out of Google
    >> Groups. It's difficult to top that, but you did!
    >>
    >> COWARD OF THE MONTH
    >>
    >> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >>
    >> 15 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >> 09 votes David Tholen
    >> 01 votes Neither of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations a final time, LV! Your propensity for real-lifing your
    >> opponents has earned you a sweep of the top three monthly core awards,
    >> which may be unprecidented and means that you have gone from a non-winner
    >> to hitting the big time in one month. Also, it means that you will be on
    >> the Kooks of the Year ballot next January four times. Do you have a
    >> website? You could be on it a fifth time, too.


    > Ah well, you were beaten by a heavyweight kook who took the top three
    > awards this month. Chin up, old-man! I'm sure you'll be post-editing
    > more typos and then lying about them in the future, as well as deleting
    > yourself from attributions. Oh by the way -- got the cajones to post
    > the second line of that quote of which you are so fond?


    What does your question have to do with college basketball, Deco?

    >> JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
    >>
    >> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >>
    >> 12 votes David Tholen
    >> 08 votes Anthony X
    >> 02 votes Neither of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Dr. Tholen! For as award-winning a net-personality as you
    >> are (by the time this ceremony is finished, you'll have 18 awards from AUK,
    >> as well as several from AFA-B; furthermore, last month marked the 10th
    >> anniversary of your winning Kook of the Month), it is surprising that you
    >> have never won the entry-level PAP award. Since I am a firm believer that
    >> all kooks should have at least one opportunity to win all the awards for
    >> which they are eligible, I am pleased that you earned this honor. However,
    >> you are now so overqualified for this award that I declare you ineligible
    >> to run for it any more. Enjoy the company of Chuckles and St00pid!


    > Yes, typing "classic erroneous presupposition" over and over is
    > pathetic, nelohT. Along with just about everything else do on usenet.


    How ironic, coming from someone who keeps typing "nelohT" over and over,
    despite the fact that there is nobody in this newsgroup using that alias.

    >> TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
    >>
    >> The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >>
    >> 12 votes Douglas Grant
    >> 08 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    >> 05 votes David Tholen
    >> 00 votes None of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of melting down, extending back
    >> to your wails of protestation over the results of the
    >> rec.gambling.blackjack.moderated election a decade ago, has finally been
    >> recognized.


    > Squashed. Better luck next time.


    What does the fact that your so-called "nomination" got squashed have
    do to with college basketball, Deco?

    >> VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
    >>
    >> The winner is...
    >>
    >> "Morgellons Is A Man-Made Silicon Based Life Form" by Alexa Cameron
    >>
    >> 23 votes YES
    >> 00 votes NO
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Alexa! After a two-year hiatus, you have won your fifth
    >> VVFWS Award with a weird science idea of striking originality. If only
    >> your fertile imagination could synthesize ideas that would actually survive
    >> controlled experiments and peer review, the world really would be a better
    >> place!


    > Hi, Alexa!


    What does that have to do with college basketball, Deco?

    >> DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
    >>
    >> The winner is...
    >>
    >> "Revisionist claims about Galileo" by John Wentzky
    >>
    >> 21 votes YES
    >> 01 votes NO
    >>
    >> Congratulations, John-boy! You started off making a weird science claim,
    >> but it was really just a demonstration of cluelessness about history above
    >> and beyond the usual ignorance by a net-kook. No matter. Kooky ideas
    >> deserve proper recognition.
    >>
    >> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
    >>
    >> The winner is...ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!
    >>
    >> 13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter
    >> 08 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >> 04 votes John Wentzky
    >> 00 votes None of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Malkavian! You earned this for multiple campaigns this
    >> month, but the most memorable was that on behalf of your employers. It
    >> might actually have been effective, had you not done it in front of people
    >> who know you well enough that, had you told them the sun would rise
    >> tomorrow, they would consult an almanac to make sure. In the meantime,
    >> enjoy this video.
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> BUSTED URINAL AWARD
    >>
    >> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >>
    >> 12 votes David Tholen
    >> 11 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    >> 00 votes Neither of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations! Your repetitiously robotic responses helped you eke out a
    >> slim victory for you as "the lamest of the lame on USENET" over someone who
    >> virtual stench is more like that of a rotting corpse than a busted urinal.
    >> It has also earned you a new nickname--Doctor Robotnik. Enjoy your new
    >> handle and watch out for fast-moving hedgehogs!


    > Yeah, you are lame, nelohT.


    Who is "nelohT", Deco? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that
    alias.

    > The unabashed and unashamed champion of the IKYABWAI, and the "still
    > beating your wife?" loaded question.


    A reference to yourself is non sequitur, Deco.

    > You
    > beat out Usenet's most notorious pseudoscience kook who has found his
    > way into the highest number of killlfiles on record -- think about it.


    On what basis do you claim to know the contents of other people's
    killfiles, Deco?

    > Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention the infamous nelohT typo pounce.


    Who is "nelohT", Deco? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that
    alias.

    >> UNABOMBER SURPRISE
    >>
    >> The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >>
    >> 10 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    >> 09 votes John Wentzky
    >> 04 votes Johnny Wizard
    >> 02 votes None of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Minnie Mouse! You beat out a tough field full of
    >> notorious screeders by a nose, demonstrating that persistence and
    >> weirdness, as well as "anonymously" spamming multiple groups, pay off.
    >> Don't leave, as the next one is yours, too.
    >>
    >> 72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
    >>
    >> The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >>
    >> Daniel Joseph Min
    >>
    >> 21 votes YES
    >> 00 votes NO
    >>
    >> Congratulations, again, Minnie Mouse! While your theological views about
    >> atheists and the end times aren't particularly unique, they are both
    >> notorious and extreme. They've also been embellished by your attempts to
    >> combine your interpretation of Revelations with tarot, astrology, and the
    >> predictions of Nostradamus, resulting in some truly ridiculous predictions
    >> that have missed the mark by miles. Next stop, the Looney Maroon!
    >>
    >> BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
    >>
    >> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >>
    >> David Tholen
    >>
    >> 18 votes YES
    >> 02 votes NO
    >>
    >> Congratulations a third and final time this month, Doctor Robotnik! As
    >> much as it personally pains me to give this award to as august a scientist
    >> as you, your online behavior really does fit the pattern of someone who has
    >> "lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker factory."


    > Well-deserved, and long overdue. nelohT believes that replying with
    > the question "what does that have to do with OS/2?" automatically makes
    > his off-topic digests on-topic.


    Who is "nelohT", Deco? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that
    alias.

    > He's also managed to convince himself
    > that I believe I'm God.


    "Art Deco, worshipped by net.ko0ks all around Usenet."
    --Art Deco

    > And for quite a while after he won the
    > prestigious GK, he was enamored with the line "so much for your golden
    > killfile, Deco."


    It takes a kook to revel in his own cluelessness the way you do, Deco.

    >> BALSA GAVEL
    >>
    >> The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >>
    >> Douglas Grant
    >>
    >> 22 votes YES
    >> 00 votes NO
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of hauling your online
    >> adversaries into court has finally been recognized, making you the first
    >> winner of this rarely presented award since Tim Bolen won it for September
    >> 2006, the first month I counted the ballot and announced the winners. Now,
    >> don't bang the award on the table--it might shatter on you!
    >>
    >> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
    >>
    >> The winner is...
    >>
    >> 10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
    >> 09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
    >> trained by Meat Plow
    >> 01 votes Neither of the above
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Unixd0rk! This is twice now that you've played games with
    >> domain names to honor your trainers. Do you have any more stupid net
    >> tricks for us (tinu)? Also, congratulations to Cujo, for gaining a new pet
    >> to replace his deceased one and training them both so well that they served
    >> as the first two AUK Mascots.


    > mop jockey *hates* being ignored.


    What does that have to do with college basketball, Deco?

    >> PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
    >>
    >> The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!
    >>
    >> "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow
    >>
    >> 18 votes YES
    >> 03 votes NO
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Meat->Plow! This award recognizes not only this
    >> particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in which
    >> you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four years ago.
    >>
    >> All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!
    >>
    >> KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
    >>
    >> The winner is...
    >>
    >> 17 votes Pamela Russell
    >> 04 votes Donald Alford AKA Wizard of Odds
    >>
    >> Congratulations again, Fangirlfriend! Your talent for spewing
    >> misinformation on behalf of your clay-footed, one-gloved idol led you to an
    >> easy defeat of a first-time opponent. Keep up the good work!
    >>
    >> MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
    >>
    >> The winner is...NAZICOWARDS OF SOC.CULTURE.ISRAEL!
    >>
    >> 12 votes Nazicowards of soc.culture.israel
    >> 08 votes Bert "Bertrude" Hoff and Scott "Schattie" Abraham
    >>
    >> Congratulations, anti-semitic wankers! You have twice defeated very stong
    >> opposition, first by dethroning the B8MBies and then fending off a
    >> challenge by one of the longest-running circle jerks on USENET. I never
    >> know a shared hatred could be such an aphrodesiac!
    >>
    >> OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS
    >>
    >> The winner is...
    >>
    >> 15 votes Jeff Relf
    >> 09 votes Colonel Jake
    >>
    >> Congratulations, Relf the Illucid! May your tenure in office be as long as
    >> you are incomprehensible.


    > Hi, JeffRelf! Have you smoked your hand-rolled newsreader yet?


    What does that have to do with college basketball, Deco?

    >> This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2008
    >> Usenet Kook Awards. Thirty-three people submitted thirty-three
    >> ballots, all of which were ruled to be valid, although two of them required
    >> acts of unusual mercy on the part of the FNVW, which were granted because
    >> the violations were minor and the result of minor stupidity, not
    >> intentional cheating. Consequently, for the fifth consecutive election,
    >> all were counted. First, a kook sweeps the top three awards, then this.
    >>
    >> See you all very shortly, as the call for nominations for the AUK Mascot
    >> goes out in a few days. Also, I might get around to the AFA-B elections,
    >> as I have been promising for two months. Any bets that I'll get it done
    >> before Memorial Day? Until then, hail Fluffy and may Bob have mercy on
    >> your souls!
    >>
    >> And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big individual
    >> w(h)inner--Lady Veteran!
    >>
    >>
    >> "Pinky and The Brain, 'Brainstem'"
    >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snO68aJTOpM
    >>


    > Well done, FNVW!


    Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim. He "wrangled" a paltry
    25 voters from you and your fellow kooks, Deco. Well, it's good to know
    that the kook population isn't rapidly expanding.


  18. Re: PING nelohT: Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    :nelohT

    >Art Deco writes:
    >
    >> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler wrote:

    >
    >>>
    >>> "20th Century Fox Fanfare"
    >>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c
    >>>

    >>>
    >>> The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
    >>> Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!
    >>>
    >>> *drumroll*
    >>>
    >>> BOBO AWARD
    >>>
    >>> The winners are...BRANDON AND AMBER HERBERT...
    >>>
    >>> Brandon and Amber Herbert
    >>>
    >>> 17 votes YES
    >>> 02 votes NO
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Herbert. It was only a matter of time before
    >>> kookery from Craigslist earned an award here on AUK, and you two pulled it
    >>> off, even if you didn't succeed in covering up the original crime. BTW, be
    >>> prepared to say hi to "A Living Christ" while you are serving your time.
    >>> He might come visiting!
    >>>
    >>> AND...RAUNI!
    >>>
    >>> Jeanette "Rauni" Runyon
    >>>
    >>> 19 votes YES
    >>> 01 votes NO
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Rauni. Your propensity for kookery has long been
    >>> suspected, but it's astonishing that you confirmed it in such a big way.
    >>>
    >>> KOOK OF THE MONTH
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >>>
    >>> 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >>> 08 votes Greg "Greegor" Hanson
    >>> 00 votes Neither of the above
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Lady Veteran! In a battle of the former also-rans for
    >>> this award, you pulled off a big win against a fellow who displays his
    >>> kookery on AUK nearly every day, while you only rarely posted yours to AUK.
    >>>
    >>> Stay right here. The next two awards are yours, as well.
    >>>
    >>> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >>>
    >>> 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >>> 07 votes Anthony X
    >>> 00 votes Neither of the above
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations a second time, LV! Your cluelessness about appropriate
    >>> behavior on USENET defeated someone who went on a crusade to get a poster's
    >>> Google Groups account nuked when the poster doesn't even post out of Google
    >>> Groups. It's difficult to top that, but you did!
    >>>
    >>> COWARD OF THE MONTH
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >>>
    >>> 15 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >>> 09 votes David Tholen
    >>> 01 votes Neither of the above
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations a final time, LV! Your propensity for real-lifing your
    >>> opponents has earned you a sweep of the top three monthly core awards,
    >>> which may be unprecidented and means that you have gone from a non-winner
    >>> to hitting the big time in one month. Also, it means that you will be on
    >>> the Kooks of the Year ballot next January four times. Do you have a
    >>> website? You could be on it a fifth time, too.

    >
    >> Ah well, you were beaten by a heavyweight kook who took the top three
    >> awards this month. Chin up, old-man! I'm sure you'll be post-editing
    >> more typos and then lying about them in the future, as well as deleting
    >> yourself from attributions. Oh by the way -- got the cajones to post
    >> the second line of that quote of which you are so fond?

    >
    >What does your question have to do with college basketball, Deco?
    >
    >>> JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >>>
    >>> 12 votes David Tholen
    >>> 08 votes Anthony X
    >>> 02 votes Neither of the above
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Dr. Tholen! For as award-winning a net-personality as you
    >>> are (by the time this ceremony is finished, you'll have 18 awards from AUK,
    >>> as well as several from AFA-B; furthermore, last month marked the 10th
    >>> anniversary of your winning Kook of the Month), it is surprising that you
    >>> have never won the entry-level PAP award. Since I am a firm believer that
    >>> all kooks should have at least one opportunity to win all the awards for
    >>> which they are eligible, I am pleased that you earned this honor. However,
    >>> you are now so overqualified for this award that I declare you ineligible
    >>> to run for it any more. Enjoy the company of Chuckles and St00pid!

    >
    >> Yes, typing "classic erroneous presupposition" over and over is
    >> pathetic, nelohT. Along with just about everything else do on usenet.

    >
    >How ironic, coming from someone who keeps typing "nelohT" over and over,
    >despite the fact that there is nobody in this newsgroup using that alias.
    >
    >>> TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >>>
    >>> 12 votes Douglas Grant
    >>> 08 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    >>> 05 votes David Tholen
    >>> 00 votes None of the above
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of melting down, extending back
    >>> to your wails of protestation over the results of the
    >>> rec.gambling.blackjack.moderated election a decade ago, has finally been
    >>> recognized.

    >
    >> Squashed. Better luck next time.

    >
    >What does the fact that your so-called "nomination" got squashed have
    >do to with college basketball, Deco?
    >
    >>> VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...
    >>>
    >>> "Morgellons Is A Man-Made Silicon Based Life Form" by Alexa Cameron
    >>>
    >>> 23 votes YES
    >>> 00 votes NO
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Alexa! After a two-year hiatus, you have won your fifth
    >>> VVFWS Award with a weird science idea of striking originality. If only
    >>> your fertile imagination could synthesize ideas that would actually survive
    >>> controlled experiments and peer review, the world really would be a better
    >>> place!

    >
    >> Hi, Alexa!

    >
    >What does that have to do with college basketball, Deco?
    >
    >>> DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...
    >>>
    >>> "Revisionist claims about Galileo" by John Wentzky
    >>>
    >>> 21 votes YES
    >>> 01 votes NO
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, John-boy! You started off making a weird science claim,
    >>> but it was really just a demonstration of cluelessness about history above
    >>> and beyond the usual ignorance by a net-kook. No matter. Kooky ideas
    >>> deserve proper recognition.
    >>>
    >>> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!
    >>>
    >>> 13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter
    >>> 08 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >>> 04 votes John Wentzky
    >>> 00 votes None of the above
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Malkavian! You earned this for multiple campaigns this
    >>> month, but the most memorable was that on behalf of your employers. It
    >>> might actually have been effective, had you not done it in front of people
    >>> who know you well enough that, had you told them the sun would rise
    >>> tomorrow, they would consult an almanac to make sure. In the meantime,
    >>> enjoy this video.
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> BUSTED URINAL AWARD
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >>>
    >>> 12 votes David Tholen
    >>> 11 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    >>> 00 votes Neither of the above
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations! Your repetitiously robotic responses helped you eke out a
    >>> slim victory for you as "the lamest of the lame on USENET" over someone who
    >>> virtual stench is more like that of a rotting corpse than a busted urinal.
    >>> It has also earned you a new nickname--Doctor Robotnik. Enjoy your new
    >>> handle and watch out for fast-moving hedgehogs!

    >
    >> Yeah, you are lame, nelohT.

    >
    >Who is "nelohT", Deco? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that
    >alias.
    >
    >> The unabashed and unashamed champion of the IKYABWAI, and the "still
    >> beating your wife?" loaded question.

    >
    >A reference to yourself is non sequitur, Deco.
    >
    >> You
    >> beat out Usenet's most notorious pseudoscience kook who has found his
    >> way into the highest number of killlfiles on record -- think about it.

    >
    >On what basis do you claim to know the contents of other people's
    >killfiles, Deco?
    >
    >> Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention the infamous nelohT typo pounce.

    >
    >Who is "nelohT", Deco? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that
    >alias.
    >
    >>> UNABOMBER SURPRISE
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >>>
    >>> 10 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    >>> 09 votes John Wentzky
    >>> 04 votes Johnny Wizard
    >>> 02 votes None of the above
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Minnie Mouse! You beat out a tough field full of
    >>> notorious screeders by a nose, demonstrating that persistence and
    >>> weirdness, as well as "anonymously" spamming multiple groups, pay off.
    >>> Don't leave, as the next one is yours, too.
    >>>
    >>> 72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >>>
    >>> Daniel Joseph Min
    >>>
    >>> 21 votes YES
    >>> 00 votes NO
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, again, Minnie Mouse! While your theological views about
    >>> atheists and the end times aren't particularly unique, they are both
    >>> notorious and extreme. They've also been embellished by your attempts to
    >>> combine your interpretation of Revelations with tarot, astrology, and the
    >>> predictions of Nostradamus, resulting in some truly ridiculous predictions
    >>> that have missed the mark by miles. Next stop, the Looney Maroon!
    >>>
    >>> BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >>>
    >>> David Tholen
    >>>
    >>> 18 votes YES
    >>> 02 votes NO
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations a third and final time this month, Doctor Robotnik! As
    >>> much as it personally pains me to give this award to as august a scientist
    >>> as you, your online behavior really does fit the pattern of someone who has
    >>> "lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker factory."

    >
    >> Well-deserved, and long overdue. nelohT believes that replying with
    >> the question "what does that have to do with OS/2?" automatically makes
    >> his off-topic digests on-topic.

    >
    >Who is "nelohT", Deco? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that
    >alias.
    >
    >> He's also managed to convince himself
    >> that I believe I'm God.

    >
    > "Art Deco, worshipped by net.ko0ks all around Usenet."
    > --Art Deco
    >
    >> And for quite a while after he won the
    >> prestigious GK, he was enamored with the line "so much for your golden
    >> killfile, Deco."

    >
    >It takes a kook to revel in his own cluelessness the way you do, Deco.
    >
    >>> BALSA GAVEL
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >>>
    >>> Douglas Grant
    >>>
    >>> 22 votes YES
    >>> 00 votes NO
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of hauling your online
    >>> adversaries into court has finally been recognized, making you the first
    >>> winner of this rarely presented award since Tim Bolen won it for September
    >>> 2006, the first month I counted the ballot and announced the winners. Now,
    >>> don't bang the award on the table--it might shatter on you!
    >>>
    >>> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...
    >>>
    >>> 10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
    >>> 09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
    >>> trained by Meat Plow
    >>> 01 votes Neither of the above
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Unixd0rk! This is twice now that you've played games with
    >>> domain names to honor your trainers. Do you have any more stupid net
    >>> tricks for us (tinu)? Also, congratulations to Cujo, for gaining a new pet
    >>> to replace his deceased one and training them both so well that they served
    >>> as the first two AUK Mascots.

    >
    >> mop jockey *hates* being ignored.

    >
    >What does that have to do with college basketball, Deco?
    >
    >>> PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!
    >>>
    >>> "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow
    >>>
    >>> 18 votes YES
    >>> 03 votes NO
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Meat->Plow! This award recognizes not only this
    >>> particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in which
    >>> you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four years ago.
    >>>
    >>> All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!
    >>>
    >>> KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...
    >>>
    >>> 17 votes Pamela Russell
    >>> 04 votes Donald Alford AKA Wizard of Odds
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations again, Fangirlfriend! Your talent for spewing
    >>> misinformation on behalf of your clay-footed, one-gloved idol led you to an
    >>> easy defeat of a first-time opponent. Keep up the good work!
    >>>
    >>> MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...NAZICOWARDS OF SOC.CULTURE.ISRAEL!
    >>>
    >>> 12 votes Nazicowards of soc.culture.israel
    >>> 08 votes Bert "Bertrude" Hoff and Scott "Schattie" Abraham
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, anti-semitic wankers! You have twice defeated very stong
    >>> opposition, first by dethroning the B8MBies and then fending off a
    >>> challenge by one of the longest-running circle jerks on USENET. I never
    >>> know a shared hatred could be such an aphrodesiac!
    >>>
    >>> OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS
    >>>
    >>> The winner is...
    >>>
    >>> 15 votes Jeff Relf
    >>> 09 votes Colonel Jake
    >>>
    >>> Congratulations, Relf the Illucid! May your tenure in office be as long as
    >>> you are incomprehensible.

    >
    >> Hi, JeffRelf! Have you smoked your hand-rolled newsreader yet?

    >
    >What does that have to do with college basketball, Deco?
    >
    >>> This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2008
    >>> Usenet Kook Awards. Thirty-three people submitted thirty-three
    >>> ballots, all of which were ruled to be valid, although two of them required
    >>> acts of unusual mercy on the part of the FNVW, which were granted because
    >>> the violations were minor and the result of minor stupidity, not
    >>> intentional cheating. Consequently, for the fifth consecutive election,
    >>> all were counted. First, a kook sweeps the top three awards, then this.
    >>>
    >>> See you all very shortly, as the call for nominations for the AUK Mascot
    >>> goes out in a few days. Also, I might get around to the AFA-B elections,
    >>> as I have been promising for two months. Any bets that I'll get it done
    >>> before Memorial Day? Until then, hail Fluffy and may Bob have mercy on
    >>> your souls!
    >>>
    >>> And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big individual
    >>> w(h)inner--Lady Veteran!
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> "Pinky and The Brain, 'Brainstem'"
    >>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snO68aJTOpM
    >>>

    >
    >> Well done, FNVW!

    >
    >Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim. He "wrangled" a paltry
    >25 voters from you and your fellow kooks, Deco. Well, it's good to know
    >that the kook population isn't rapidly expanding.


    Now that was a proper acceptance speech. Bravo!

    --
    "Substantiation that you regard yourself as a God to be worhsipped [sic]
    should be your concern, Deco."
    -- David Tholen

  19. Re: PING nelohT: Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    Art Deco writes:

    > :nelohT


    Still suffering from attribution problems, Deco?

    >>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler wrote:


    >>>>
    >>>> "20th Century Fox Fanfare"
    >>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c
    >>>>

    >>>>
    >>>> The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
    >>>> Kook Awards. Envelopes, please!
    >>>>
    >>>> *drumroll*
    >>>>
    >>>> BOBO AWARD
    >>>>
    >>>> The winners are...BRANDON AND AMBER HERBERT...
    >>>>
    >>>> Brandon and Amber Herbert
    >>>>
    >>>> 17 votes YES
    >>>> 02 votes NO
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Herbert. It was only a matter of time before
    >>>> kookery from Craigslist earned an award here on AUK, and you two pulled it
    >>>> off, even if you didn't succeed in covering up the original crime. BTW, be
    >>>> prepared to say hi to "A Living Christ" while you are serving your time.
    >>>> He might come visiting!
    >>>>
    >>>> AND...RAUNI!
    >>>>
    >>>> Jeanette "Rauni" Runyon
    >>>>
    >>>> 19 votes YES
    >>>> 01 votes NO
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Rauni. Your propensity for kookery has long been
    >>>> suspected, but it's astonishing that you confirmed it in such a big way.
    >>>>
    >>>> KOOK OF THE MONTH
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >>>>
    >>>> 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >>>> 08 votes Greg "Greegor" Hanson
    >>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Lady Veteran! In a battle of the former also-rans for
    >>>> this award, you pulled off a big win against a fellow who displays his
    >>>> kookery on AUK nearly every day, while you only rarely posted yours to AUK.
    >>>>
    >>>> Stay right here. The next two awards are yours, as well.
    >>>>
    >>>> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >>>>
    >>>> 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >>>> 07 votes Anthony X
    >>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations a second time, LV! Your cluelessness about appropriate
    >>>> behavior on USENET defeated someone who went on a crusade to get a poster's
    >>>> Google Groups account nuked when the poster doesn't even post out of Google
    >>>> Groups. It's difficult to top that, but you did!
    >>>>
    >>>> COWARD OF THE MONTH
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
    >>>>
    >>>> 15 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >>>> 09 votes David Tholen
    >>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations a final time, LV! Your propensity for real-lifing your
    >>>> opponents has earned you a sweep of the top three monthly core awards,
    >>>> which may be unprecidented and means that you have gone from a non-winner
    >>>> to hitting the big time in one month. Also, it means that you will be on
    >>>> the Kooks of the Year ballot next January four times. Do you have a
    >>>> website? You could be on it a fifth time, too.


    >>> Ah well, you were beaten by a heavyweight kook who took the top three
    >>> awards this month. Chin up, old-man! I'm sure you'll be post-editing
    >>> more typos and then lying about them in the future, as well as deleting
    >>> yourself from attributions. Oh by the way -- got the cajones to post
    >>> the second line of that quote of which you are so fond?


    >> What does your question have to do with college basketball, Deco?


    Note: no response.

    >>>> JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >>>>
    >>>> 12 votes David Tholen
    >>>> 08 votes Anthony X
    >>>> 02 votes Neither of the above
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Dr. Tholen! For as award-winning a net-personality as you
    >>>> are (by the time this ceremony is finished, you'll have 18 awards from AUK,
    >>>> as well as several from AFA-B; furthermore, last month marked the 10th
    >>>> anniversary of your winning Kook of the Month), it is surprising that you
    >>>> have never won the entry-level PAP award. Since I am a firm believer that
    >>>> all kooks should have at least one opportunity to win all the awards for
    >>>> which they are eligible, I am pleased that you earned this honor. However,
    >>>> you are now so overqualified for this award that I declare you ineligible
    >>>> to run for it any more. Enjoy the company of Chuckles and St00pid!


    >>> Yes, typing "classic erroneous presupposition" over and over is
    >>> pathetic, nelohT. Along with just about everything else do on usenet.


    >> How ironic, coming from someone who keeps typing "nelohT" over and over,
    >> despite the fact that there is nobody in this newsgroup using that alias.


    Note: no response.

    >>>> TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >>>>
    >>>> 12 votes Douglas Grant
    >>>> 08 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    >>>> 05 votes David Tholen
    >>>> 00 votes None of the above
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of melting down, extending back
    >>>> to your wails of protestation over the results of the
    >>>> rec.gambling.blackjack.moderated election a decade ago, has finally been
    >>>> recognized.


    >>> Squashed. Better luck next time.


    >> What does the fact that your so-called "nomination" got squashed have
    >> do to with college basketball, Deco?


    Note: no response.

    >>>> VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...
    >>>>
    >>>> "Morgellons Is A Man-Made Silicon Based Life Form" by Alexa Cameron
    >>>>
    >>>> 23 votes YES
    >>>> 00 votes NO
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Alexa! After a two-year hiatus, you have won your fifth
    >>>> VVFWS Award with a weird science idea of striking originality. If only
    >>>> your fertile imagination could synthesize ideas that would actually survive
    >>>> controlled experiments and peer review, the world really would be a better
    >>>> place!


    >>> Hi, Alexa!


    >> What does that have to do with college basketball, Deco?


    Note: no response.

    >>>> DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...
    >>>>
    >>>> "Revisionist claims about Galileo" by John Wentzky
    >>>>
    >>>> 21 votes YES
    >>>> 01 votes NO
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, John-boy! You started off making a weird science claim,
    >>>> but it was really just a demonstration of cluelessness about history above
    >>>> and beyond the usual ignorance by a net-kook. No matter. Kooky ideas
    >>>> deserve proper recognition.
    >>>>
    >>>> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!
    >>>>
    >>>> 13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter
    >>>> 08 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
    >>>> 04 votes John Wentzky
    >>>> 00 votes None of the above
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Malkavian! You earned this for multiple campaigns this
    >>>> month, but the most memorable was that on behalf of your employers. It
    >>>> might actually have been effective, had you not done it in front of people
    >>>> who know you well enough that, had you told them the sun would rise
    >>>> tomorrow, they would consult an almanac to make sure. In the meantime,
    >>>> enjoy this video.
    >>>>
    >>>>
    >>>>
    >>>> BUSTED URINAL AWARD
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >>>>
    >>>> 12 votes David Tholen
    >>>> 11 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    >>>> 00 votes Neither of the above
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations! Your repetitiously robotic responses helped you eke out a
    >>>> slim victory for you as "the lamest of the lame on USENET" over someone who
    >>>> virtual stench is more like that of a rotting corpse than a busted urinal.
    >>>> It has also earned you a new nickname--Doctor Robotnik. Enjoy your new
    >>>> handle and watch out for fast-moving hedgehogs!


    >>> Yeah, you are lame, nelohT.


    >> Who is "nelohT", Deco? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that
    >> alias.


    Note: no response.

    >>> The unabashed and unashamed champion of the IKYABWAI, and the "still
    >>> beating your wife?" loaded question.


    >> A reference to yourself is non sequitur, Deco.


    Note: no response.

    >>> You
    >>> beat out Usenet's most notorious pseudoscience kook who has found his
    >>> way into the highest number of killlfiles on record -- think about it.


    >> On what basis do you claim to know the contents of other people's
    >> killfiles, Deco?


    Note: no response.

    >>> Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention the infamous nelohT typo pounce.


    >> Who is "nelohT", Deco? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that
    >> alias.


    Note: no response.

    >>>> UNABOMBER SURPRISE
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >>>>
    >>>> 10 votes Daniel Joseph Min
    >>>> 09 votes John Wentzky
    >>>> 04 votes Johnny Wizard
    >>>> 02 votes None of the above
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Minnie Mouse! You beat out a tough field full of
    >>>> notorious screeders by a nose, demonstrating that persistence and
    >>>> weirdness, as well as "anonymously" spamming multiple groups, pay off.
    >>>> Don't leave, as the next one is yours, too.
    >>>>
    >>>> 72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
    >>>>
    >>>> Daniel Joseph Min
    >>>>
    >>>> 21 votes YES
    >>>> 00 votes NO
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, again, Minnie Mouse! While your theological views about
    >>>> atheists and the end times aren't particularly unique, they are both
    >>>> notorious and extreme. They've also been embellished by your attempts to
    >>>> combine your interpretation of Revelations with tarot, astrology, and the
    >>>> predictions of Nostradamus, resulting in some truly ridiculous predictions
    >>>> that have missed the mark by miles. Next stop, the Looney Maroon!
    >>>>
    >>>> BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
    >>>>
    >>>> David Tholen
    >>>>
    >>>> 18 votes YES
    >>>> 02 votes NO
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations a third and final time this month, Doctor Robotnik! As
    >>>> much as it personally pains me to give this award to as august a scientist
    >>>> as you, your online behavior really does fit the pattern of someone who has
    >>>> "lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker factory."


    >>> Well-deserved, and long overdue. nelohT believes that replying with
    >>> the question "what does that have to do with OS/2?" automatically makes
    >>> his off-topic digests on-topic.


    >> Who is "nelohT", Deco? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that
    >> alias.


    Note: no response.

    >>> He's also managed to convince himself
    >>> that I believe I'm God.


    >> "Art Deco, worshipped by net.ko0ks all around Usenet."
    >> --Art Deco


    Note: no response.

    >>> And for quite a while after he won the
    >>> prestigious GK, he was enamored with the line "so much for your golden
    >>> killfile, Deco."


    >> It takes a kook to revel in his own cluelessness the way you do, Deco.


    Note: no response.

    >>>> BALSA GAVEL
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
    >>>>
    >>>> Douglas Grant
    >>>>
    >>>> 22 votes YES
    >>>> 00 votes NO
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Doogie! Your long history of hauling your online
    >>>> adversaries into court has finally been recognized, making you the first
    >>>> winner of this rarely presented award since Tim Bolen won it for September
    >>>> 2006, the first month I counted the ballot and announced the winners. Now,
    >>>> don't bang the award on the table--it might shatter on you!
    >>>>
    >>>> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...
    >>>>
    >>>> 10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
    >>>> 09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
    >>>> trained by Meat Plow
    >>>> 01 votes Neither of the above
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Unixd0rk! This is twice now that you've played games with
    >>>> domain names to honor your trainers. Do you have any more stupid net
    >>>> tricks for us (tinu)? Also, congratulations to Cujo, for gaining a new pet
    >>>> to replace his deceased one and training them both so well that they served
    >>>> as the first two AUK Mascots.


    >>> mop jockey *hates* being ignored.


    >> What does that have to do with college basketball, Deco?


    Note: no response.

    >>>> PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!
    >>>>
    >>>> "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow
    >>>>
    >>>> 18 votes YES
    >>>> 03 votes NO
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Meat->Plow! This award recognizes not only this
    >>>> particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in which
    >>>> you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four years ago.
    >>>>
    >>>> All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!
    >>>>
    >>>> KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...
    >>>>
    >>>> 17 votes Pamela Russell
    >>>> 04 votes Donald Alford AKA Wizard of Odds
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations again, Fangirlfriend! Your talent for spewing
    >>>> misinformation on behalf of your clay-footed, one-gloved idol led you to an
    >>>> easy defeat of a first-time opponent. Keep up the good work!
    >>>>
    >>>> MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...NAZICOWARDS OF SOC.CULTURE.ISRAEL!
    >>>>
    >>>> 12 votes Nazicowards of soc.culture.israel
    >>>> 08 votes Bert "Bertrude" Hoff and Scott "Schattie" Abraham
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, anti-semitic wankers! You have twice defeated very stong
    >>>> opposition, first by dethroning the B8MBies and then fending off a
    >>>> challenge by one of the longest-running circle jerks on USENET. I never
    >>>> know a shared hatred could be such an aphrodesiac!
    >>>>
    >>>> OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS
    >>>>
    >>>> The winner is...
    >>>>
    >>>> 15 votes Jeff Relf
    >>>> 09 votes Colonel Jake
    >>>>
    >>>> Congratulations, Relf the Illucid! May your tenure in office be as long as
    >>>> you are incomprehensible.


    >>> Hi, JeffRelf! Have you smoked your hand-rolled newsreader yet?


    >> What does that have to do with college basketball, Deco?


    Note: no response.

    >>>> This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2008
    >>>> Usenet Kook Awards. Thirty-three people submitted thirty-three
    >>>> ballots, all of which were ruled to be valid, although two of them required
    >>>> acts of unusual mercy on the part of the FNVW, which were granted because
    >>>> the violations were minor and the result of minor stupidity, not
    >>>> intentional cheating. Consequently, for the fifth consecutive election,
    >>>> all were counted. First, a kook sweeps the top three awards, then this.
    >>>>
    >>>> See you all very shortly, as the call for nominations for the AUK Mascot
    >>>> goes out in a few days. Also, I might get around to the AFA-B elections,
    >>>> as I have been promising for two months. Any bets that I'll get it done
    >>>> before Memorial Day? Until then, hail Fluffy and may Bob have mercy on
    >>>> your souls!
    >>>>
    >>>> And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big individual
    >>>> w(h)inner--Lady Veteran!
    >>>>
    >>>>
    >>>> "Pinky and The Brain, 'Brainstem'"
    >>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snO68aJTOpM
    >>>>


    >>> Well done, FNVW!


    >> Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim. He "wrangled" a paltry
    >> 25 voters from you and your fellow kooks, Deco. Well, it's good to know
    >> that the kook population isn't rapidly expanding.


    > Now that was a proper acceptance speech. Bravo!


    Classic erroneous presupposition. I see that you ran away from several
    pieces of evidence of your kookery, Deco. No surprise there, really.

    > --
    > "Substantiation that you regard yourself as a God to be worhsipped [sic]
    > should be your concern, Deco."
    > -- David Tholen


    Classic kookery on your part, Deco:

    "Out-of-context quotes in your boilerplate spam, Davie,
    how kooky."
    --Art Deco


  20. Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

    On Sun, 11 May 2008 11:24:46 -0500, Lady Veteran
    wrote:

    >On Sun, 11 May 2008 01:36:42 +0000 (UTC), Friendly Neighborhood Vote
    >Wrangler wrote:
    >
    >The only time I post to AUK is when there is a cross post, like this.
    >
    >It is proof that rumor and innuendo will win out over facts and truth
    >ever time.
    >
    >My nomination and "award" is indicative of the gossip mongers and
    >brain stems who have such a following.
    >
    >I march to my own drummer and am NOT ASHAMED of ANYTHING I have done.
    >
    >Enjoy your idiocy. Someday you will all chock on it.
    >
    >LV


    BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I'm all chocked up!

    Jade


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