Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus - Linux

This is a discussion on Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus - Linux ; Balance beam: the clumsy Linux operating system tries a side mount, but its foot completely misses and it comes down hard and cracks its nuts. ooofffmmmpphhhh!!! High bar: Linux starts swinging and after 8 tries is able to spin around ...

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Thread: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

  1. Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    Balance beam: the clumsy Linux operating system tries a side mount, but its
    foot completely misses and it comes down hard and cracks its nuts.
    ooofffmmmpphhhh!!!

    High bar: Linux starts swinging and after 8 tries is able to spin around the
    bar one time. A nervous grin crosses its fluxbox face as it prepares for
    the dismount... and here it come... and sppllllaaaaaattttttt!!! It's a full
    face plant in the mat! Turns out the HorizSync settings were entered
    incorrectly when the coach had to manually edit xorg.conf. Whoops!

    Vault: Linux lumbers down the runway, panics the moment it hits the
    springboard... and plows face first into the vault apparatus. pow! Broken
    and bloodied nose!

    Floor exercise: wearing a 'KDE == bloat' t-shirt, a helmet and bandages on
    both knees and ankles and wrists, Linux goes for its first tumbling pass but
    has a dynamic mmap error and forgets where it is and goes running off the
    floor and bowls over 4 coaches and crashes into the stands.

    Uneven bars: having learned from its high bar fiasco, and now showing
    surprising agility for such a slow clumsy system, Linux smoothly swings
    around and between the low and high bars. Now here comes the dismount!
    aaannnndddd.... crunch!! Linux has landed completely upside down - right on
    its fat head. Seems the settings for VertRefresh were entered incorrectly
    when the coach had to manually edit xorg.conf. Whoops!

    Still rings: after eight helpers get the groggy, fatass operating system
    onto the still rings, it shows some strength but miraculously freezes in the
    iron cross position... and just hangs there for 10 minutes. Audience is
    impressed at first, then realizes what's happened and starts booing.
    Finally a taser to the foot restarts the frozen mess.

    Parallel bars: since Linux's left hand is always out of sync with its right
    hand, this apparatus becomes a mockery. Linux is literally hanging upside
    down, grimacing, with one leg and one arm over the bars, until it slowly
    slips off and hits the ground flat on its back with a loud thud.
    wwooommmmppppp!!! The normally stone-faced Romanian judge howls with
    laughter!

    Pommel horse: Linux makes a big show out of chalking its hands (audience
    laughs when it reveals its amateur nature and puts chalk on its feet), then
    climbs onto the horse and starts bucking and pretending to throw a lasso.
    Nearby coach drags Linux off the pommel, berates it for not recognizing the
    equipment, then ejects it from the arena.

    This is a true story.






  2. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    On Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:42:18 -0400, DFS wrote:

    > Balance beam: the clumsy Linux operating system tries a side mount, but its
    > foot completely misses and it comes down hard and cracks its nuts.
    > ooofffmmmpphhhh!!!
    >
    > High bar: Linux starts swinging and after 8 tries is able to spin around the
    > bar one time. A nervous grin crosses its fluxbox face as it prepares for
    > the dismount... and here it come... and sppllllaaaaaattttttt!!! It's a full
    > face plant in the mat! Turns out the HorizSync settings were entered
    > incorrectly when the coach had to manually edit xorg.conf. Whoops!
    >
    > Vault: Linux lumbers down the runway, panics the moment it hits the
    > springboard... and plows face first into the vault apparatus. pow! Broken
    > and bloodied nose!
    >
    > Floor exercise: wearing a 'KDE == bloat' t-shirt, a helmet and bandages on
    > both knees and ankles and wrists, Linux goes for its first tumbling pass but
    > has a dynamic mmap error and forgets where it is and goes running off the
    > floor and bowls over 4 coaches and crashes into the stands.
    >
    > Uneven bars: having learned from its high bar fiasco, and now showing
    > surprising agility for such a slow clumsy system, Linux smoothly swings
    > around and between the low and high bars. Now here comes the dismount!
    > aaannnndddd.... crunch!! Linux has landed completely upside down - right on
    > its fat head. Seems the settings for VertRefresh were entered incorrectly
    > when the coach had to manually edit xorg.conf. Whoops!
    >
    > Still rings: after eight helpers get the groggy, fatass operating system
    > onto the still rings, it shows some strength but miraculously freezes in the
    > iron cross position... and just hangs there for 10 minutes. Audience is
    > impressed at first, then realizes what's happened and starts booing.
    > Finally a taser to the foot restarts the frozen mess.
    >
    > Parallel bars: since Linux's left hand is always out of sync with its right
    > hand, this apparatus becomes a mockery. Linux is literally hanging upside
    > down, grimacing, with one leg and one arm over the bars, until it slowly
    > slips off and hits the ground flat on its back with a loud thud.
    > wwooommmmppppp!!! The normally stone-faced Romanian judge howls with
    > laughter!
    >
    > Pommel horse: Linux makes a big show out of chalking its hands (audience
    > laughs when it reveals its amateur nature and puts chalk on its feet), then
    > climbs onto the horse and starts bucking and pretending to throw a lasso.
    > Nearby coach drags Linux off the pommel, berates it for not recognizing the
    > equipment, then ejects it from the arena.
    >
    > This is a true story.


    Very visual!!

    --
    Moshe Goldfarb
    Collector of soaps from around the globe.
    Please visit The Hall of Linux Idiots:
    http://linuxidiots.blogspot.com/

  3. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    On Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:42:18 -0400, DFS wrote:

    ...

    --
    Rick

  4. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    * DFS peremptorily fired off this memo:

    > Balance beam...
    > High bar: ...
    > Vault: ...
    > Floor exercise: ...
    > Uneven bars: ...
    > Still rings: ...
    > Parallel bars: ...
    > Pommel horse: ...


    What a touching Olympic moment. Don't you have some code to write?

    --
    .... of course, this probably only happens for tcsh which uses wait4(),
    which is why I never saw it. Serves people who use that abomination
    right 8^)
    -- Linus Torvalds, about a patch that fixes getrusage for 1.3.26

  5. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    On 2008-08-13, DFS wrote:
    > Balance beam: the clumsy Linux operating system tries a side mount, but its
    > foot completely misses and it comes down hard and cracks its nuts.
    > ooofffmmmpphhhh!!!

    [nonsense delete]
    >
    > This is a true story.
    >


    A perusal of the consumer computing press will be quite illuminating.

    --
    NO! There are no CODICILES of Fight Club! |||
    / | \
    That way leads to lawyers and business megacorps and credit cards!

    Posted Via Usenet.com Premium Usenet Newsgroup Services
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    http://www.usenet.com

  6. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    Verily I say unto thee, that Linonut spake thusly:
    > * DFS peremptorily fired off this memo:


    >> Balance beam...
    >> High bar: ...
    >> Vault: ...
    >> Floor exercise: ...
    >> Uneven bars: ...
    >> Still rings: ...
    >> Parallel bars: ...
    >> Pommel horse: ...

    >
    > What a touching Olympic moment. Don't you have some code to write?


    You misspelled "buttons to click".

    --
    K.
    http://slated.org

    ..----
    | By bucking Microsoft for open source, says Gunderloy, "I'm no
    | longer contributing to the eventual death of programming."
    | ~ http://www.linux.com/feature/142083
    `----

    Fedora release 8 (Werewolf) on sky, running kernel 2.6.23.8-63.fc8
    02:16:11 up 236 days, 22:51, 4 users, load average: 1.11, 1.32, 1.20

  7. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    In article <8vBok.10307$vX2.2879@bignews6.bellsouth.net>,
    "DFS" wrote:
    > Balance beam: the clumsy Linux operating system tries a side mount, but its
    > foot completely misses and it comes down hard and cracks its nuts.
    > ooofffmmmpphhhh!!!


    Speaking of balance beam...what the heck was going on with both the
    Chinese and US women's teams making so many goofs on the balance beam?
    And many of those one the easiest parts of their routines--they were
    pretty much all nailing the super difficult parts with ease.


    --
    --Tim Smith

  8. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    Tim Smith wrote:
    > In article <8vBok.10307$vX2.2879@bignews6.bellsouth.net>,
    > "DFS" wrote:
    >> Balance beam: the clumsy Linux operating system tries a side mount,
    >> but its foot completely misses and it comes down hard and cracks its
    >> nuts. ooofffmmmpphhhh!!!

    >
    > Speaking of balance beam...what the heck was going on with both the
    > Chinese and US women's teams making so many goofs on the balance beam?
    > And many of those one the easiest parts of their routines--they were
    > pretty much all nailing the super difficult parts with ease.


    I know how hard they work and I'm very proud of our girls, but Alicia
    Sacramone cost us big time. The Chinese were a bit better in my opinion,
    but regardless of their talent the age-cheating should result in their
    disqualification.



  9. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    On Aug 13, 6:10 pm, Rick wrote:
    > On Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:42:18 -0400, DFS wrote:


    DFS must be having a really bad day.

    A researcher at IBM has just publicly announced that Vista security
    has the same wide-open holes as it's predecessors (NT 4.0, Win2K, and
    XP) AND a few more (Office 2007 OpenXML automated trojan passing/
    loading).

    Microsoft has responded with it's ever popular "ActiveX killer" which
    cripples Vista.

    Sales of PCs with Linux preinstalled has increased to 3% (about 30
    million machines in the last year, with 20 million in the last
    quarter).

    Carfour and other major PC retailers outside the United States have
    turned off the PCs running Vista and put PCs running Linux right next
    to them.

    So DFS posts a nice long article of pure fiction and nonsense about
    Linux competing in gymnastics. Lenovo refused to use Vista in the
    olympics because it was too unreliable. Even XP has had it's share of
    glitches during the olympics. Meanwhile, Linux is being used in other
    sports with remarkable success.

    It seems to be Vista that can't even do a handstand without falling
    off. Vista didn't even make the cut to play in the Olympics at all.

    It was a slightly amusing post, though you probably could have
    substituted Vista for Linux.

  10. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    Tim Smith wrote:

    >Speaking of balance beam...what the heck was going on with both the
    >Chinese and US women's teams making so many goofs on the balance beam?
    >And many of those one the easiest parts of their routines--they were
    >pretty much all nailing the super difficult parts with ease.


    I'd like to see you try, if you think it's so easy. There's a lot of
    pressure...


  11. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    Rex Ballard wrote:
    > On Aug 13, 6:10 pm, Rick wrote:
    >> On Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:42:18 -0400, DFS wrote:

    >
    > DFS must be having a really bad day.


    You're jealous 'cause you lack the imagination to produce a bangin' post
    like that.


    > A researcher at IBM has just publicly announced that Vista security
    > has the same wide-open holes as it's predecessors (NT 4.0, Win2K, and
    > XP) AND a few more (Office 2007 OpenXML automated trojan passing/
    > loading).



    blah blah blah www.linuxsecurity.com
    blah blah blah http://rhn.redhat.com/errata/RHSA-2008-0538.html



    > Microsoft has responded with it's ever popular "ActiveX killer" which
    > cripples Vista.


    Only ActiveX controls confirmed dangerous by the vendors, and it doesn't
    cripple Vista one bit.
    http://www.pcworld.com/article/14975...ml?tk=rss_news

    Left side of bozo's mouth: "Windows is insecure"
    Right side of bozo's mouth after MS enhances security: "Windows is crippled"

    MS can't win with Linux nuts.



    > Sales of PCs with Linux preinstalled has increased to 3% (about 30
    > million machines in the last year, with 20 million in the last
    > quarter).


    2.8%, for only one month, in only one market.

    "Microsoft is still be shipped with 93 per cent of all PCs sold through
    distribution in the UK, according to Context."
    http://www.theinquirer.net/gb/inquir...ocket-per-cent



    > Carfour and other major PC retailers outside the United States have
    > turned off the PCs running Vista and put PCs running Linux right next
    > to them.


    Sounds like unfair competition - the only kind where Linux has a chance of
    succeeding.


    > So DFS posts a nice long article of pure fiction and nonsense about
    > Linux competing in gymnastics.


    Linux ended up being ejected for failure to recognize the hardware. Same
    thing happens in real life nearly every time Linux is installed: install,
    won't run printer/scanner/joystick/sound card/apps/games, uninstall.



    > Lenovo refused to use Vista in the
    > olympics because it was too unreliable.


    Notebooks: Lenovo recommends Windows Vista Business for business computing
    Notebooks: Lenovo recommends Windows Vista Home Premium for personal
    computing
    ThinkCentre desktops: Lenovo recommends Windows Vista Business
    ThinkStations workstations: Lenovo recommends Windows Vista Business

    http://www.lenovo.com/us/en/

    Note: that's *recommends*. Why don't they recommend Linux? If it was any
    good at all, they would.



    > Even XP has had it's share of
    > glitches during the olympics.


    I'm sure you'll make up some lie here - then run away when asked to prove
    it.


    > Meanwhile, Linux is being used in other
    > sports with remarkable success.


    You used "Linux" and "success" in the same sentence without "failed to
    achieve any semblance of" in between. Bad Rex!


    > It seems to be Vista that can't even do a handstand without falling
    > off. Vista didn't even make the cut to play in the Olympics at all.


    Too late: the Linux-like copycat routine is boring.


    > It was a slightly amusing post, though you probably could have
    > substituted Vista for Linux.


    And that's all you could have done, and I'm sure the morons 7 or HPT or
    (p)Rick will be along shortly to do so.




  12. Re: Linux tries some gymnastic apparatus

    * DFS peremptorily fired off this memo:

    > Left side of bozo's mouth: "Windows is insecure"
    > Right side of bozo's mouth after MS enhances security: "Windows is crippled"
    >
    > MS can't win with Linux nuts.


    MS can't win on this topic because they've never undergone a real design
    process.

    --
    Astrology is the sheerest hokum. This pseudoscience has been around since
    the day of the Chaldeans and Babylonians. It is as phony as numerology,
    phrenology, palmistry, alchemy, the reading of tea leaves, and the practice
    of divination by the entrails of a goat. No serious person will buy the
    notion that our lives are influenced individually by the movement of
    distant planets. This is the sawdust blarney of the carnival midway.
    -- James J. Kilpatrick, Universal Press Syndicate

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